I've Always Said He Was A Hero

I've called Patrick Dempsey one of my heroes for years! Now, someone else can say the same!

Patrick Dempsey Rushes To Save A Life!

Making the world a better place....One life at a time! Thanks, Patrick!

Still My Dream to Meet This Guy

Happy Birthday, Partick Dempsey!

It Was Bound To Happen....Eventually!

Here it is, ten o'clock on a Thursday night-two hours AFTER Grey's Anatomy has aired-and I have yet to watch. I know, scary, right? Wanna know what's scarier? I don't really care. I TOLD you....SCARY!

Alexis and Austin spent the night tonight which meant early bedtimes for all (including Mom). Ordinarily, I'd watch and Mom would watch whenever she got the time, but since I'm really NOT all that excited about Grey's these days, I'm waiting until tomorrow night when Mom and I can watch together.

I think it says a lot about the state of the show when I (who used to count the minutes until the next episode) now have a "Eh, so I can't watch tonight....No big deal" attitude. So sad.

On a much happier note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATRICK DEMPSEY!

The Dempsey Difference-Four Years!

Hard to believe it's been four years since the Dempsey Difference (see the tab above). In SO many ways, I'm a different person and yet, in many ways, I'm exactly the same.

I'm MUCH more aware of how my words and actions (good and bad) can affect others, and I live with a deeper level of thankfulness that I really don't think I had back then.

However, I still struggle with those same doubts, those same insecurities, that I dealt with four years ago. Only, I have something that I didn't have UNTIL four years ago. A point of reference. I have someone, with a similar story, who was where I was that I can refer to anytime those doubts and insecurities get too loud. I can look at him, be reminded of his story, be reminded that I'm not alone, and suddenly, the loudness of everything else fades. THAT'S what Patrick Dempsey did for me four years ago, and has done for me every single day since.

I debated whether or not to even post about it tonight, because while September 29th is a day that will always have significance to me, I've struggled a lot with the fact that people really don't seem to care. They don't seem to get it. All along I kept telling myself that what I went through in college, MUST have been meant to serve a purpose. I told myself when I came out of it on the other side that this story would help someone else some day. I don't know if that's the case, but I pray it is.

I know there are those that stopped reading this entry the minute they saw the word "Dempsey" in the title, because they think I'm just some fan girl, just another fan who's crazy about Patrick Dempsey.

I'm slowly coming to realize that it doesn't matter who "gets it" or doesn't, it doesn't matter if people believe me or they don't. What other people think doesn't make what Patrick did for me any less real. Whether people believe it or not doesn't change the truth of what is now my story. It doesn't change the fact that without Patrick Dempsey, I would be a statistic right now.

Four years ago today Patrick Dempsey saved my life. He was the answer to my prayer. He was my reminder that God had not forgotten about me. Patrick Dempsey is my hero and there is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for him.

I still pray daily that the day will come when I'll be able to thank Patrick face to face, but until that day comes (and even after that day is done) I'll continue to pray that my story might help someone else.

LeMans: One Year Ago

One year ago I watched the 24 Hours of LeMans, staying up all night to watch Patrick Dempsey and Team Seattle participate in the event as they raised money for Seattle Children's Hospital with each lap completed. That night was the start of some AMAZING life long friendships! To those that shared that night with me-you know who you are-I love you girls and will forever remember the night that started it all!

Relive my experience and read the entry I posted about it HERE.

And HERE are the interviews that were done. I still get teary watching Patrick get emotional.


That night will go down as one of the best nights of my life!

Happy Birthday, Patrick!

Happy Birthday, Patrick Dempsey! I hope your next year is FABULOUS! You deserve nothing but the best. Thank you for being a constant inspiration to me. I thank God for you every single day! Have an amazing birthday! God bless!

Vote for Patrick Dempsey

Vote for Patrick Dempsey for Favorite TV Drama Actor for the 2010 People's Choice Awards. You can vote daily! Spread the word....Thanks!

This is my choice for:

Favorite TV Drama Actor

Patrick Dempsey

Patrick Makes the Cover of T.V. Guide!

Can't wait to get this McGoodie in my mailbox soon! LOVE when he gets a cover!

As for the headline, I personally don't see "Meredith being MIA" since she WILL be in every episode, despite her maternity leave (which she is already back from, by the way). Even though she won't be on A LOT, she pre-taped A LOT of stuff before she left to have Stella so that she'd be able to be in every episode this season. Gotta love Ellen for doing that! I love her anyway, but that's beside the point. :)

Izzie on the other hand, I WILL classify as MIA seeing as she will miss five episodes due to shooting a movie.

Whatever the case, I have no doubt Derek Shepherd can hold things together! Definitely a LOT better than the Chief is doing right now...I will hold my Webber dislike in for right now.

Can't wait to read the article and hear everything Patrick Dempsey has to say about his character, Derek's "marriage" to Meredith and where things may be headed on Grey's. Thank you T.V. Guide for giving Patrick the cover....And what a cover it is! :)

Dempsey Challenge This Weekend!

The Dempsey Challenge is this weekend(October 3-4)! Please keep the participants and all involved with this event in your prayers throughout the weekend!

And thanks to those of you that supported me as a virtual rider and donated. I truly appreciate the support for this cause and know everyone at the Dempsey Center appreciates the support as well.

Thanks in advance for covering this event in prayer!

Dempsey Racing Online Store

Yay!!! I can now wear some official Dempsey Racing apparel!!! And the name McDreamy WON'T be attached!

Dempsey racing t-shirts are now available to buy online! I'm told I was the FIRST to order! *blush* :) Right now there's only shirts to buy, but I think hats may be in the works as well. *crossing fingers*

Currently they only ship in the US but I think they will be shipping internationally very soon.

I'm VERY excited about being able to show off my Dempsey Racing pride and of course, have another way to support Patrick! Hopefully I'll have the shirt before we leave for Colorado on vacation so I can wear it while we're there! After THIS RECENT ENTRY I needed something to lift my spirits, this did the trick!

I added the link to the store under the "sites worth visiting" section so you can visit any time! But I'll give it to you now as well!

And another HUGE thanks to Jim for getting this up and going for all of us Dempsey Racing fans! You rock my wheels, Jim!

DEMPSEY RACING ONLINE STORE

Dreaming in Silence

Have you ever been in a situation where you're trying to get someone to understand something, how important something is to you, how deeply you were affected by something. You're trying so hard and yet you feel like no one is really hearing you? That your point is just not getting across? That's how I feel tonight.

I sit here with tears in my eyes as I type this. I SO want my dream to come true. I don't think words could ever express just how badly I want my story to get to Patrick and what it would mean to me to get to say thank you to him. And yet, I KNOW you guys are SO tired of hearing about it.

I've been a little angry at God the past few days....WHY can't He give me another dream that I can actually WORK toward? Give me something I can tell people that won't make them roll their eyes inwardly. I've literally started making stuff up when people ask me what my dreams are. I can't tell you how many people I've sent to this blog hoping against hope that they would know someone who might be able to help get my story to Patrick. I just have this fear of seeing the end of this dream and looking back saying, if I had just told this person or e-mailed this person, MAYBE THEY could have been the one to help make this a reality.

It's my dream, yes. But I know you guys are tired of hearing about it. Just as much as I'm tired of trying over and over again to try and get someone who may be able to help to actually read what I have to say. I've talked so much about it that I don't think anyone is really listening anymore.

So, it will be a silent unspoken dream from now on. Honestly, I can't talk about it anymore...It's just too painful to hope at this point. Sorry to have gone on for so long about it...

Happier blogs to come!

"When you're dreamin' with a broken heart, the giving up is the hardest part." ~John Mayer~

My Le Mans Experience

I did something this weekend that I can honestly say I have never done...I watched sports all weekend. Okay, so it was just ONE sport, but still, for a girl who only watches sports during the summer Olympics, this is a big thing for me.

I watched Patrick and his teammates, Joe Foster and Don Kitch Jr. race at Le Mans...And I watched the entire thing! ALL 24 hours!

I have to admit, I had some nerves about watching the race. Those of you that know me know that one of my worst fears is Patrick being injured during a race. It's one thing to know he's racing and to pray for him but not actually SEE what's going on, it's QUITE another to SEE everything that's happening, live! It was quite nerve wracking at times. Please know that for me this was a first...I've NEVER gotten to see Patrick race before and it was LE MANS so it was pretty emotional on all fronts. There is no way I will ever remember everything and as soon as I post this, I know there will be something I forgot to add so just bear with me because as I write this I haven't slept since 7:15 Saturday morning. Along the way I will share some of my favorite pics with you(All of them courtesy of the Team Seattle Facebook Page or various other sites. I definitely wasn't one of the lucky ones there in person so none of these are mine). They won't necessarily correspond with what I write. In fact, none of them do, but I tried to come close.

First off, did you know Patrick is a blogger? Yep! He blogged throughout the week leading up to the race. It was so awesome to see things through his eyes. And the best part...Readers could leave comments! Who knows if Patrick read them, but I commented on every single blog...Hoping.

I'm not going to go hour by hour but just touch on what were the highlights for me. The first moment that sticks out was an interview Patrick did right after his first leg of the race. I wish I had a snap shot for you of the pure excitement on his face, he was practically giddy and grinning from ear to ear. Brought tears to my eyes. Had to be one of the cutest interviews I've ever seen. His face had to hurt from smiling so much...He was absolutely drinking it in.
Every time Joe, Don, or Patrick were interviewed, they said how incredible it was to be there and how they were just honored and thankful for the chance to be at Le Mans. Such humble and gracious guys. Every lap they completed raised money for Seattle Children's Hospital and it was evident they wanted to raise as much money as they could for the hospital.
For me, the most anxious moment came early Sunday morning (in France. In the US it was still Saturday night) Patrick was behind the wheel, doing his thing and there came word that there was a serious accident. It was dark, of course so for a few moments no one was sure who it was. And for those few moments...I was a wreck. It didn't take long to identify who it was, but it felt like ages. It wasn't Patrick and the odds that it would have been him were slim, and I knew that, but still...My worst fear guys...I was still shaking twenty minutes after. They driver involved in the wreck was pulled from the car and taken to the hospital, and it turns out he's fine, but looking at what was left of the car, it's a miracle. I was texting and tweeting everyone I knew to pray. Patrick safely pitted a few minutes later.
The night was long as some twitter friends and I kept each other going while we cheered on the team. Don, bless his heart, was sick with a severe chest cold so he didn't get a lot of time behind the wheel. Patrick and Joe took turns racing for two hours at a time throughout the night. When Patrick came out for his next stint, he was apparently asked by someone off camera if he had slept, and he told them, "No way! I'm too excited to sleep!" It was then that I told someone I was tweeting with that if Patrick hadn't slept, WE certainly couldn't! LOL! That just seemed to stiffen our resolve to stay awake with them through the end. We really got excited as we watched the team continue to climb in their class rank.

A few anxious moments when Patrick had to make an unscheduled pit stop to fix something on the car and he stayed there for what seemed like ages to us and I'm sure even longer to him. We were afraid they would slip out of the top ten and kept saying willing them to hurry by talking to our televisions (or was I the only one doing that guys? LOL) saying, "Please hurry!" "Work faster!" FINALLY Patrick was off again and they were still in the top ten but by a smaller margin. A twitter friend of mine said, "Don't worry, Speedy Joe is up soon (her nickname for Joe Foster that still makes me giggle) he'll help make up ground." So, Zoom Zoom Paddy (the nickname I came up with for PD because of his Mazda "the zoom zoom way" voice overs) finished his stint, and Speedy Joe took the wheel. Soon, they were ninth in their class! We were ecstatic!

I have to say, it was really odd to be watching coverage and see the sun coming up there while it was still the very early morning hours here. Speaking of that, on Patrick's blog for Friday, he mentioned that his body wasn't sure what time it was and he was awake when he should be sleeping, and tired when he needed to be alert. So, as I went to bed Friday, I prayed that Patrick would get a great night's rest. I forgot all about the time difference and the fact that as I was praying that prayer, it was already race day for Patrick! LOL! Thank goodness God knew I was going to pray that prayer ahead of time and answered it early. Sorry about that, Patrick! I DO hope you got a great night's rest before race day!

Seven o'clock my time Sunday morning brought what is, in my opinion, the most emotional interview I've ever seen Patrick give. As he and Don talked to a reporter the reporter made mention that he could see in Patrick's eyes how much this experience meant to him...It was then that Patrick nodded and from my view seemed to tear up and get emotional. That's all it took for me to start crying...Again, these guys were THRILLED to be there. At Le MANS for cryin' out loud! It doesn't get any better!

The race ended at 8:00 a.m. this morning. Patrick, Joe, and Don came in 30th overall and 9th in their class. AND...They raised 258,800 for Seattle Children's Hospital!! How incredible is that?! GO TEAM SEATTLE!!!!

Now, here's why this race was an experience for me and such an emotional one at that...

Patrick, Joe, and Don were in Paris France. At Le Mans. That's big. It's HUGE. And it's a dream come true for all of them. It's emotional for me because as I watched them race, I watched their dream come true...I mean literally saw it coming true hour by hour as they gave interviews and with each stint they completed, more of their dream just continued to unfold. If you've read this blog any than you probably know what my dream is...For my story to get to Patrick and be able to thank him personally for how his story changed my own. You also know how I'd pretty much given up hope that that will ever happen. I watched videos of the team in France throughout the week and the throngs of people just wanting an autograph from Patrick and I looked at the sea of people and thought, "that's why I feel this is a dream going nowhere...I'm just another fan, in a sea of faces. There's no way I can just travel to his races on my own because of my disability, I'd have to have a way to get there. Yes, meeting Patrick and thanking him is my dream, but I know there's very little hope that it will.

As I watched Team Seattle's dream unfold before my eyes, I can't help but feel a spark of renewed hope that my story WILL somehow get to Patrick....If they can get to Le Mans....My story can get to Patrick. It's a spark of hope that I needed and that I'll hang on to. I want my own "Le Mans Moment" so to speak, where I see my dream unfolding.

So, yet again, I'm teary as I type this up. I have to thank some people that kept me going last night: @zennish, @pdempseyfansite, @GraveDancer40, @Evie_89, @pickmeforever, @PD_EP_FAN, @adene626 and Kara.

you guys were a blast to experience this with!! Definitely made some new friends....And twitter hasn't been quiet since! Thanks for helping keep me awake last night as we cheered on our guys together! It really was so much fun! Same time, same place next weekend for Patrick's next race? LOL! Seriously, you guys are great...Loved spending those 24 hours with you!

Thank you to EVERYONE who kept Patrick, Joe, and Don in your prayers this weekend...God was definitely protecting them and blessing them the entire time!

Congratulations once again to Joe, Patrick, and Don....You lived the dream....You raced at Le Mans! And we're all so happy and proud for you and thrilled that we got to take the journey with you! It was a complete honor to spend "24 Hours at Le Mans" with you.

Prayers For Patrick

I'm posting this Thursday night since those that are subscribed won't get this update until Friday morning....

Please be in prayer once again for Patrick Dempsey. He is in France and will be racing at Le Mans this weekend. Every lap completed raises money for Seattle Children's Hospital. Please pray for Patrick and Team Seattle all throughout the weekend. Pray for total protection, for every need to be met, and that they have a great race. Pray for everyone behind the scenes as well...Those taking care of the drivers, the sponsors to get the coverage they need, and pray that the money that is raised will continue to help the children of Seattle Children's Hospital.

And pray for the families of those in France who are trying to keep things going at home while their spouses/loved ones are away.

Most of all though, please just pray for the entire team's safety and protection as they race. For those interested, the race will be broadcast on the Speed Channel. ONLY for Patrick Dempsey would I ever watch sports all weekend long...LOL! But after what he's done for me, it's the least I can do. And I consider it an honor to pray for him and his team this weekend. Thanks in advance for joining me in prayer....

Go Team Seattle!

Prayer Requests for This Weekend

Many of you know that Alexis made the All Stars softball team. Well, All Stars weekend is here!

Tomorrow (Saturday) morning we will travel to Montgomery to watch and cheer on Alexis and the rest of her teammates. They are guaranteed to play four (yes, you read that right...FOUR) games tomorrow the first one beginning at 9:05 a.m.

Please be in prayer for safe travel for all of the players (and their cheerleaders) as we all set out to Montgomery in the morning. Please also pray for safety as they play, that they might be able to maintain their energy level for all four games and that no one gets injured or hurt in any way. There is also a real possibility that they will play again on Sunday depending on how things go tomorrow. It is sure to be a full weekend that will no doubt take it's toll on my little Ladybug by the time it's over. Please say a special prayer for her (I am a bit biased you know *wink*). Aside from the heat, we're looking forward to it. They've got a great team with great coaches! And thank the Lord that while it will be hot, the humidity is supposed to be low, so that should help! :)

Also, if you could also take a minute to pray for Patrick Dempsey this weekend. He will be racing. Please pray for his safety and total protection.

Thanks in advance for praying for all of these things! I know God is listening now and will be listening and present all weekend!

Doubting the Difference

I recently was visiting with a friend catching up on things since we hadn't seen each other in awhile. She had apparently seen my facebook (and perhaps this blog) and asked about why my admiration for Patrick Dempsey ran so deep.

I froze. Literally. My mouth went dry and felt like it had been stuffed with a dozen cotton balls. As I tried to figure out where to start and stumbled awkwardly through the story with a shaky voice I knew I had lost their attention mid story but finished in a hurried frantic way.

Where had my confidence gone? What was the problem? I mentally kicked myself through the rest of our visit and came home bombarded with doubts cringing as my mind constantly replayed it over and over.

Stopping to think about it, I know perhaps why it was such a nerve wracking experience for me...It was the first time I had told my experience out loud. Ever. It's one thing to write it, and I have done that...over and over again. But to say the words...To actually hear myself saying them brought much more emotion than I ever expected.

It's a scary thing to tell what is to this day my darkest moment. I was scared to death of being judged and the worst thing that could have happened, happened. She didn't get it. And I knew she didn't get it. And I knew that the reason for her not getting it probably had to do with my nerves and the way I tried to tell the story while my mind was screaming at me a thousand things...The main thing being "JUST SHUT UP! This is YOUR story and you can't even tell it, you idiot!"

And THAT is what has been going through my head ever since....I'm SUCH an idiot! Perhaps my whole "Dempsey Difference" isn't THAT big a deal after all. Maybe it's just something I've blown up in my head and maybe THAT is why anybody I've contacted and shared my story with to try and get it to Patrick hasn't done so...Because it's NOT that huge, because people have similar experiences all the time and WHY should mine be any different. Why should *I* be set apart from the thousands of others that would give anything to meet Patrick Dempsey?

I don't have the answers to most of those questions....Maybe THIS is why I haven't had any progress in my story getting to Patrick...Because if I can't tell a friend the story, then how in the heck do I expect to tell Patrick? Does my story REALLY matter?

Doubt. It's a huge and scary thing.

Enough Already!

"Did you say it? 'I love you.' 'I don't ever want to live without you.' 'You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it. But every now and then look around, drink it in. Cause, this is it. It might all gone tomorrow."

Any guesses as to WHAT this brought to my mind. WHY dear Lord can't I just forget about this and move on? It's not for lack of trying. And I sit here frustrated tonight because once again I am reminded of what I have not been able to do!

I've always had this sense of urgency to get my thanks to Patrick Dempsey. Always. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because his passion is racing and I have a fear that he'll get injured or something during a race and my hope of him ever knowing how he changed my life would be gone. Or that something would happen to me before he ever got to know. And yes, I know how morbid all of this sounds but like I said, there has always been a sense of me thinking, "I've got to do everything I can possibly do to try and make sure he knows what he did for me."

Have I said it? Yes. To everybody I can think of...HOPING against hope that one of the people I've told will tell him. I'd given up. Not wanting to but having to accept the reality that it just wasn't going to happen. And then...THIS voice over tonight. And I swear, it was like throwing it back in my face. Reminding me again. It hurt to let go of this, but I was getting there. I was starting to accept it and move on and then this. WHAT MORE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?? Who else is there to tell? Nobody has taken me seriously. So, why throw it back in my face? The urgency has never gone away....Just because you ignore something doesn't make it go away. Everything is still there. I just have no idea what to do with it so I ignore it. I've stopped asking for it, stopped e-mailing people about it, stopped talking about it, just thinking that eventually...It will fade.

Did I said it? Yes. Has he heard me? Who knows. And that is perhaps, the most frustrating thing of all...Not knowing one way or the other.

And yes, I know this wasn't the Grey's Anatomy finale wrap up that you were expecting....That's coming tomorrow night sometime. I'm off to bed now....Work awaits tomorrow. (Make that today...In just a few hours). Thanks for letting me vent.

The Line I Can't Forget.....

Normally, I would be posting a blog about how I felt about tonight's Grey's Anatomy episode as I usually do. However, ever since watching the show tonight (or rather, one SCENE of the show tonight), I'm going to forgo what I regularly blog about because this simply won't leave my head...

There was a line that Meredith Grey said tonight when she was talking to a patients mom.

"You have to change her story!"

It was that line that I remember and honestly, I don't remember much about the show after that (thank goodness for tivo).

"You have to change her story...." Call me nuts, but for hours now I've been wondering, is that what God was thinking when He was writing Patrick's story? "You have to change her story...."

I know where my story was headed before that night in September. And God did too...Long before I did. So, He also knew that Patrick was going to be the one to change it.

And I'm beginning to think that perhaps that is why every effort I have made to try and get my story and thanks to Patrick has failed...Perhaps nobody else REALLY gets it. Perhaps they think I'm being dramatic or just another fan. And I'm slowly resigning myself to the fact that my dream of thanking him, of him hearing my story will never be.

I don't know anymore if dreams come true, I know this is my biggest dream, but I also know that whether it does or doesn't will never change the impact Patrick has had on my life and I thank God daily for him.

"You have to change her story...." And that's exactly what Patrick did.

The Dempsey Challenge...I Need YOUR help!

I have signed up to help raise money for The Dempsey Challenge. Obviously, I won't be able to physically participate in the riding, walking or running but I CAN make an effort to raise money for this cause.

This is a great opportunity for me to have the chance to "pay it forward" as I've talked about and in a way, try and say thank you by giving to this great cause! I've talked a lot about how my dream of meeting Patrick Dempsey is a tough dream because I can't do much to actually work toward that. THIS however, is something I can work toward...I need YOUR help though!

If you can and are willing, please go to my personal donation page by clicking HERE and making a donation of your choice. Big or small, EVERY donation counts and matters. Then, spread the word for me! If you have people you think might be willing to donate to my goal, please send them the link. All of the money raised goes to The Patrick Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope and Healing.

Please consider giving. You'll help me reach my goal and also be giving to people fighting cancer and helping them WIN the fight!

I sincerely appreciate ANY donations made! Thank you in advance for your support!

A Long Time Coming...

Grey's Anatomy debuted on March 27, 2005. On the night before the four year mark, we have a VERY good reason to celebrate!




Yes, I'm STILL grinning!

If you look closely as she walks into the elevator, on the left side of the back wall, I believe there are pictures from their bubble bath scene in season three! A FABULOUS scene. And I'm SO glad the scruff was shaved! Amazing, incredible. wonderful job by Patrick and Ellen. Very clever idea...Very unique, very intimate, very them....Because we know, after five seasons....They have their BEST moments in elevators!

My apologies to Kimberly who told me via text that her ears were still ringing because she heard my squeals of excitement at her house. I squealed, I cried (from the time the elevator doors opened until the next scene) I laughed, and I enjoyed. What a pay off!

Thank you writers for the walk you gave us down memory lane during the scene, for staying true to the characters of both Meredith and Derek by not making the proposal over the top but writing it to fit them perfectly. Thank you Shonda, for FINALLY giving us this moment, "Together for good" just got better! Thank you Patrick and Ellen, for fighting for the couple to be together, for fighting for the integrity of your characters both together and apart, and for making us fall in love with Derek and Meredith by the way each of you portray them. Thank you for wanting them together as much as the fans did. Fabulous job...All the way around! Can't wait until the wedding!

Thirty Days of Prayer: Day Four

Yes, I know I didn't blog on day three yesterday...Still prayed though.

As day four is in full swing, I just finished siting at my computer praying in tears as I begged God to move...One of those "please please please God, just move. Show me SOMETHING!" Yes, I know, faith is all about seeing and it's a bit pathetic when it's only day four and I'm already begging for movement.

It would be different, I suppose if I knew WHY this was such a desire. I know I'm not the only person that would like to meet Patrick...And of course, I know he saved my life and all of that. It's just so heavy on my heart that I NEED to say thank you and share my story with him in person. I've really evaluated my reasoning...It's not because he's McDreamy (I didn't even know who Patrick was really before all this happened), it's not so I can say I met someone famous (yes, that WOULD be cool...but my story is personal and I have a feeling he wouldn't be the only person I'd have to share it with in order to say thanks). I've said before, I DON'T KNOW why this trumps everything else I could be spending thirty days praying over, I just know I want it so badly. And the only way I can really make sense of it all is the fact that there seems to be a part of me that isn't healed and perhaps WON'T be until I can be face to face with him and say, "this is what you did for me...." It's such a deep strong desire that the ONLY explanation for why is because God put it there.

The Heavens seem so silent. As I cred out to God (literally) just a few minutes ago, I even began to wonder if I was praying right. Was there something I needed to say, some magic word I needed to utter in order to get God to hear me? Deep down I thought, "How ridiculous! Satan is LOVING getting me to doubt whether or not I'm praying correctly!" Yet, I did. I even asked God if He would perhaps reveal something on "Grey's Anatomy" tonight. I'm just desperate to hear from Him.

Dear Father,

Why is it suddenly so hard to hear from You? Are you talking and I'm not listening? Am I doing this all wrong? Lord, I don't need to know why this is such a desire...You do and that's enough. Father, make my ears sensitive to Your Voice as I continue this thirty days of prayer. I KNOW You are working and I pray that I become more confident in that fact, even when I don't SEE anything happening. May I know that YOU put this dream in my heart and that You do not mess with the emotions of Your kids by making them desire something so badly and not giving it to them eventually.

Father, I lift up this dream to you once more and ask that you make a way. Lord, take care of all of the details. May you cause me to be remembered by the people I've contacted to help this dream come to pass. May you continue to put the right people in my path. May you make me keenly aware of doors to knock on and opportunities that will help. Lord, I'm doing everything I know of and I pray and know that You will do what I cannot.

I lift Patrick up to you again Father. Thank You for him, for his story, and for what you continue to teach me because of him. Bless him wherever he is today Lord, may he stay safe and have a productive and great day. Bless his family and thank you that You are doing great things in his life.

Father, thank you for this time and thank You that I'm one day closer to my dream becoming a real reality. Thank You dear Lord, that it's just a matter of time....

I love You,

Amen