Thirty Things

Marlena actually tagged me to do this on Facebook but I'm doing it here instead.

You are supposed to write 30 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. So, here goes...

1) I was born three and a half months early weighing under two pounds at birth.

2) My longest and most faithful friend in this world has to be Kristi Johnson. We met in Kindergarten and are still very very close to this day.

3) I jump at everything. I'm told it's CP related.

4) I know every single line to Charlotte's Web

5) The first time I remember having a favorite anything was when I saw Sela Ward for the first time. What an actress! She's the reason I got into acting...I wanted to be just like her, and to this day she is my all time favorite actress.

6) I became a Christian at the age of 11. Michael W. Smith's song "Secret Ambition" is what lead me to ask Christ into my life. MWS is my all time favorite music artist.

7) I HATE confrontation and will do anything to avoid it.

8) I'm not into religion. However, ask me about my RELATIONSHIP with Christ, and I'll talk forever.

9) I'm learning that I'm not 100 percent okay with my disability but I am learning to be. Like anything else...It's a process.

10) I could eat Italian food for the rest of my life and be happy. I also believe french fries should be a food group all on its own.

11) My favorite teacher (and probably person) of all time is one of my high school math teachers, Steve Lang. His rock solid faith in me is matched by no one. Sometimes I don't even uderstand the unwaivering confidence he has in me. He's one of the constants in my life even today and he's still one of the first people I go to for advice. I'm a better person because he is in my life.

12) At one time I wished to be a certified sign language interpreter. Julie Posey is my inspiration and it is because of her that I know three songs in sign.

13) I know how to ski. Winter Park Colorado is an amazing place to experience that for the first time.

14) I'm a Dr. Pepper addict.

15) Every ring I wear has meaning behind it.

16) I hope to one day move to L.A. and have a job in the entertainment industry.

17) If I say "I love you" I mean it. If I say, "I'm praying for you" I mean it. I don't throw those phrases around.

18) Patrick Dempsey saved my life. I thank God for him every single day and my dream is to meet him and tell him how his story changed my story.

19) The song "A World to Believe in" by Celine Dion describes perfectly what Patrick did for me. I still cry every time I hear it. Hear the song and read the lyrics HERE.

20) I get REALLY into the television shows that I watch. I literally talk to the t.v. as if the people can hear me. Drives my Mom nuts.

21) I have some of my best moments with God in the shower.

22) I cling to Jeremiah 29:11.

23) My college years were the worst years of my life. Especially 2006. Never have I ever been that depressed. Ever.

24) One of my favorite quotes ever is by Scott Crenshaw: "I do not work for God TO BE saved, I work for God BECAUSE I'm saved."

25) My goal when I was a little girl was to grow my hair as long as Crystal Gayle's. I didn't keep it.

26) Don't bother trying to talk to me on Thursday's beginning around 8:30 (to give tivo time to record so we can fast forward through commercials). I'll be watching Grey's Anatomy and crossing my fingers for some great scenes for my favorite fictional couple: Meredith and Derek. (Note: He has a RING!!!!!!!!)

27) I believe everything happens for a reason.

28) No matter how confident I may seem, I still struggle with insecurities about the way I was made and how people perceive me.

29) I want to be genuinely loved, not merely tolerated.

30) Being an Aunt is the best job in the world.

I Have A Dream...

I blog today with a mixture of things on my mind, I use writing and this blog as my outlet so I hope you'll bear with me today as I just kinda dump the things on my mind here.

I have a dream. Meeting Patrick Dempsey. And as you may have read my reasons are very personal. I often feel guilty for having this particular dream. There are so many other things I should want more, but I don't. I want this more than I think I've ever wanted anything. And I have no idea why, of all the thing I DO want in life: a great job that I love--preferably in the entertainment industry, to fall in love, to get married...Of ALL the things I want, THIS is the thing I want the most, THIS is the one that I beg God for in the late hours of the night, THIS is the one that I dream about (literally), and THIS is the one that instantly pops into my head whenever anyone asks, "what are your dreams and goals?" I know people are reading this rolling their eyes as they read this, but I'm just sharing my heart right now. I'm trying to be honest. I have no idea why this trumps everything else that I wish for, but it does. I want this to happen so badly. Perhaps part of the reason may be because there is something deep down that won't be healed until this happens. I not only want it, It seems to be a need as well. Whatever the case, this is a very frusturating dream to have.....

It's frustrating because I hear and see so many times that if you work hard enough, if you want it badly enough, then all of your dreams can be reached. However, I don't know if my dream falls into that same category. When your deepest dream is to meet someone, it really seems to be out of your hands...It's not one of those things like a test where if you study hard enough, you'll pass it, or if you just keep working at it, you'll get that college diploma, or that promotion at work. Yes, there are certain things you can do to make your appreciation for this person known, and hope they get the message somehow, some way. But beyond that, there's nothing I can do.

The only thing I can do is try my best to pay it forward and hope and pray that God does the rest. The only way this will ever happen is if God makes a way. I can't work my way toward it, I can't study in order for it to happen, it is out of my hands totally and that often leads to me just going to God often throughout the day, praying that He makes a way for Patrick and I to meet one day. And I have to believe that He will. I HAVE to believe that He would not cause me to want something this badly if He did not intend to make it happen. I HAVE to believe. I HAVE to keep praying. I HAVE to believe that it's only a matter of time before my story DOES get to Patrick. I have to believe that it's only a matter of time before I can thank him personally.

I have a BIG dream, but I serve a BIG God and He WILL make it a reality!

While I'm Waiting

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
it's not easy, no
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

*Song sung by John Waller

A Hand to Hold

My niece Alexis came home with a splinter this afternoon. As my Mom worked to try and free the splinter as painlessly as possible, Alexis looked at me with tears in her eyes and took my hand saying, "I want to hold your hand, Nat-Nat."

Sometimes just having a hand to hold makes things better.

GA Thoughts: "Wish You Were Here"

So, it's been awhile since I posted one of these. Mostly, because there hasn't been a lot I've felt like commenting on, but this past week's show is worthy of a small blog at least.

* Loved the theme of the show: Wishing. I know a thing or two about that. Don't we all?

* The serial killer storyline has me very intrigued with where they might be going with it and how all are involved. Mainly Meredith. My gut tells me something's going to happen and she's going to be in need of rescuing. I don't want her hurt, but if it means that a certain "knight in shining whatever" shows up to do the rescuing, then I could handle it. *wink* Mer's just that compassionate. She could get herself into it before even knowing it.

* Eric Stoltz as the serial killer....VERY believable! I wonder how the cast will act around him once he's back behind the scenes as director! I've read that they are having a blast with him now that he is "just an actor." I tell ya...He creeps me out. The way he calmly and nonchalantly described how he killed those women....*Shudder* My mom brought up a good point though...Would the guard realistically LET him share that with Meredith and Cristina, who are women and he seems to have at least a bit of pull with Mer already anyway. I just think the guard would halt any conversation like that.

* Gotta say, I know Mer and Cristina are BFF's and that I should want them to make up, but I'm enjoying Cristina NOT popping up in all of MerDer's scenes and stealing Mer away. I could withstand things as they are a little longer. And besides, Mer's already apologized...Cristina needs to be knocked down a few pegs anyway. Get over it, and move on.

* Bravo for character growth on both Meredith and Derek's part. Communication! Who would have thought it would look so great with them! I'm SO proud!

* This scene...Rocked. Way to go, Patrick!

* So, we're FINALLY finding out more about Derek and his family. We were told how his father, died and thus gained more understanding as to why he's such a staunch "pro punishment" person. Very good reasons there if you ask me. I just assumed his Dad was sick and died. Getting shot never entered my mind but it definitely folds into the storyline well and gives PD some great back story to work with. Thanks for that, writers!

*And Derek...and his Dorky Derek Dance...I think it made me love him even more! He just got home from having to deal with creepy serial killer, revealed how his dad died, and then in an effort to cheer up his girlfriend...Danced it out with her. Something tells me the "get your rear over here, I'm not doing this by myself line was Patrick talking to Ellen...Not Derek talking to Meredith. It was hysterical, but oh so sweet as well. Makes me have that much more appreciation for what PD might have had to go through doing the dance scene in Enchanted. Kudos to you, Patrick! You put a smile on the faces of ladies everywhere.

* Can't wait for next week when Derek's McMom (played by Tyne Daly) shows up!!! PLEASE be nice to her, McMom! She's had enough "mommy issues" to last a lifetime. Change her perceptions about all mom's being like Ellis Grey. Love her, accept her, be everything Ellis Grey never was. Please, McMom. Do it for Derek. Do it for your (hopefully) soon to be daughter-in-law. *wink*

And there ya have it! Perhaps next week will be just as blog worthy. We shall see!

Volunteer Day Details

Here is an update about my day as a volunteer at my church.

It went pretty well. I arrived at the office about 9 this morning. My first obstacle was the office they put me in...Very tiny and the way it was arranged made it VERY difficult to get around to the other side to sit down. I didn't realize I couldn't make it until I was just about stuck between the file cabinet and the desk.

I have to stop here and explain something before I continue: My mom and I have always talked about how God always seems to send an angel for me just as I need one. Every day of college there always seemed to be someone there to open the door just when I needed it, or someone always seemed to be in the office just as the elevator seemed to quick working to call for maintenance. We have no doubt that those people were angels put there at just the right time to help out....No question about it, I have angels watching over me.

Well, this morning, as I was stuck (literally) telling the pastor's secretary who was watching that I was fine, and that I was going to try and back up and try another approach (all the while praying and wondering WHAT that approach was going to be) my angel showed up. Jackie Ward was my angel today and many of you reading this know who that is. There are very few people that I respect as much as I do Jackie Ward. I've known her my entire life, gone to church camps with her for several summers growing up, my sister baby sat her kids for years. There's nobody like her. And she knows me well. My disability doesn't freak her out, in fact she's probably one of the few really understands that it doesn't define me, but doesn't treat it as the elephant in the room either.

So when Jackie "just happened" to show up at that moment, I said a silent thank you to God and in no time, Jackie and I had me unstuck and settled at my desk. She then set about the reasons as to why she was there talking to Donna (Pastor's secretary) and Ramona (the receptionist) who had both gathered at the door to watch Jackie and I do our untangle me tango. Once Jackie was gone, Donna gave me instructions on how to use the phone...transfer calls, hold calls, etc. Then Ramona came in with the programs for Sunday's morning service and the inserts that go in them. I then set to work putting inserts into all the programs. Once that was done, I was asked to use the cutting board and cut another set over inserts that were to go in the Sunday School boxes. After all of that was done it was 11:30 and Ramona said I could go to lunch if I was ready.

I called Mom and she came and got me after she picked up Alexis. We grabbed me lunch at Wendy's and ate it in the car.

I returned an hour later, but instead of going back into the office where I had been that morning, Ramona and I went upstairs and took the inserts I had done earlier to each of their designated Sunday School boxes. Ramona then showed me where all of the paper used for the programs and such was kept in case I ever needed to know. Then we headed back downstairs where we went back to the office, got the programs I had stuffed and took them down to the hallway outside the sanctuary and set them up ready for the ushers hand out as people came in Sunday morning.

On our way back to the office we heard someone playing the piano in the chapel. It was dark, but the alter was lit up and the music was beautiful. Come to find out, it was one of the people staying at the missionary house. I didn't know him, but Ramona did and introduced me. He plays the piano beautifully and he and Romona sang Amazing Grace together for me right there as I stood and listened....That had to be the highlight of the day....It was incredible to stand in the darkened chapel with only the light from the alter, with him playing the piano and them singing...Just...Wow.

After we left him playing more music, we walked back to the office and Ramona left for lunch. Which meant I sat at her desk, answered the phone (I had been told that if she was there, she would answer the phone and the only reason I would need to is if she were out) and buzz people in (our church door is locked during the week and you have to ring the bell outside to be let in).

All of this was new to me...I had NO experience with the phones. I did okay but did accidentally hang up on two people that called because I didn't transfer them correctly (I cringe just thinking about it) and only had to buzz one person in and did that with no problem. It being Friday though, things were very quiet and the phone didn't ring a lot...Thankfully. I kinda felt out of my element while Ramona was out so I was relieved when she returned and I could hand the majority of control back to her. After she got back she told me she just had a few more things to do and that I was free to go whenever I wanted.

So, by 2:45 I was being picked up and my first official day as a volunteer was over. And it looks as though I'll be returning every Friday for awhile.

It was an okay day. Ramona was a HUGE help showing me the ropes and I'm so thankful for her patience. Everyone assures me I'll get the hang of the phones and I was even told that the office I was put in that morning was going to have the desk turned around for easier access for me and the rest of the other volunteers. So, we shall see what next Friday holds!

Thank you ALL so much for your kind comments, but most of all your prayers. They mean so much. If you wouldn't mind continuing to pray, I'd really appreciate it. Lots going on that I don't care to discuss tonight but will use this blog as an outlet for later when I'm not so tired.

And believe it or not, I actually have thoughts on last nights Grey's Anatomy that I will try and share at some point this weekend. Been awhile since I put up a GA Thoughts blog.

So stay tuned...Entries about Grey's and other stuff NOT Grey's related coming.....Soonish.

Crazy Dream

If you've ever talked to me, you know that I have some pretty crazy dreams. Last night was no exception.

I dreamt I was in the middle of this big arena, apparently for a taping of Oprah's show because she was there and people were running everywhere getting things set up. I don't know what made me think I was entitled, but I went to her and asked her if she had a minute to talk. She said sure and she and I went and sat down facing each other. I told her very calmly my story and how much it would mean for me to thank Patrick Dempsey. I asked her since she seemed to know everybody, if she would possibly thank Patrick on my behalf next time she saw or spoke with him. She smiled and asked me to hold on. She left and when she returned, had her cell phone (it looked like a Blackberry, actually) and was scrolling through it.

She tried one number with no success, then tried a second. After a minute she says, "Hi Patrick, it's Oprah." They talk for a minute about some producer causing problems (even I can't believe how much I remember) and then she says, "I've got someone here who really needs to talk to you. Her name is Natalie. Do you mind?" The next thing I know, she's handing me her phone!

I calmly took the phone and said hello. Patrick answered with a calm and happy, "Hello Natalie, how are you?" It was at that moment that I figured out I was dreaming (literally) and panic set in as I realized if I didn't tell him what I needed to tell him quickly, I was going to wake up! So, it all came pouring out as fast as I could talk.

He kept trying to get a word in, but I just kept going. My voice was shaking, I was on the verge of tears, it was a total freak out moment. The fact that Patrick was on the other end of the line didn't seem to be the issue, it was the fact that I had something really important to share and I was terrified I was going to wake up at any moment.

Once I was finished, there was a moment of silence on the other end of the line and I was afraid he might have hung up. Finally, he laughed a little and said, "Natalie, I sincerely appreciate you telling me all of that. I want you to know though that all that matters is how you feel about yourself." I tried to tell him that it is BECAUSE of him I had a totally different perspective on things. Panic rose in me again at the thought of him not truly understanding. He seemed to sense it though and assured me that he understood. He said he was really glad he was able to help. He then said he had to go but that we would talk again...soon. And the call ended.

Very strange, very vivid, and yet still, just a dream.

New Years Resolution

I hope 2009 is being wonderful to everyone so far!

I've never been big on making new years resolutions. I make them in my head every year but never share and thus, never keep them. However, I'm making one this year with high hopes of keeping it.

I think with technology the way it is today, we seem to have lost our desire to personalize anything. Everything is typed. Letters, mailing labels, return address labels, even our signatures are photo copied. Often times I wonder if a human was even in the room during the process of a letter being mailed out. It saddens me. I LOVE getting snail mail. LOVE seeing my name on the envelope, and LOVE sitting down to read what's inside!

I want to bring back that personal touch! So, my new years resolution for 2009 is to write at least one hand written letter a month to someone. Whether it be a friend or relative, someone will be getting a letter from me each month. Not that I will share my life story, but nothing makes my day like a note simply asking how I am and what I'm up to.

So, I'm going to do my very best to bring the personal touch back to 2009 and who knows, maybe keep it going for years to come!