Prayer Request

A friend of mine is leaving for Rwanda on Monday morning. She went last summer as well and did SO MUCH good and I can just tell by the way she writes about it how much she is ready to go back.

Melissa and I grew up together. We stayed with the same baby-sitter for years and while we are not as close as we used to be, I know that if I were ever in trouble and needed prayer, Melissa is definitely someone I know would be down on her knees in an instant to intercede for me. She has an INCREDIBLE heart for God and the people of Rwanda. She loves God with a bold love and this is a deep passion of hers. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that God is going to use her in incredible ways this summer just as He did last summer!

I have put a link to her blog on the right. Visit there to get some specific ways on what you can pray for as they head out to be a Light for our Creator to people that are thirsting for Him and His love. Melissa will be His Hands, Feet and loving Arms to people!!!

Melissa, I love you and I know many people will be praying for you and Katy as you go and do what God has laid on your heart!

AFTRA agrees on contract, is SAG next?

You may recall several posts ago how I talked about how SAG negotiations had stalled and that AFTRA was trying to reach a deal for their contract. I said that if AFTRA reached a deal that it would be very hard for SAG to have much leverage or support for a strike as it is rumored was what they were getting ready to do.

AFTRA agreed on their contract early this morning. SAG went back into negotiations just a few hours later (they were already scheduled to resume talks today regardless of whether or not AFTRA had reached a deal yet, I think). And I haven't heard anything about how the first day back today went.

I can only speculate that without AFTRA backing them and having already reached a contact that SAG will have to cave on some issues and reach a deal as well. I have to be honest and say that when I logged on this morning to the news that AFTRA reached a deal I was relieved....Although, I hear they caved massively on some issues in order to do so. I was relieved because I knew as long as BOTH AFTRA and SAG DIDN'T reach a deal, the more possible a strike would become because each union would have the support of the other. I was worried when contract talks stalled with SAG and was hoping that this wasn't a set up for another strike. Now that AFTRA has reached a deal, I think SAG members know strike support just tanked and they'll be pushed to reach some sort of an agreement.

I feel bad that they'll have to cave to do so. If I could understand what they were fighting for then perhaps I might be more apt to encourage them (not that any of them care one bit what I think or even know I'm alive) to stick to their guns no matter what. I was a firm believer in the writers strike...Didn't like it, but understood their cause and would have been on the picket lines had I been near any of the studios. I just don't understand the SAG issues and I've read the statements issued but you have to know lawyer speak to understand them.

I just do NOT want another strike. We already suffered through one shortened T.V. season and I don't want to go through another. Not to mention the fact that HELLO!! Did you SEE the Grey's finale?!?!? DO NOT MAKE ME WAIT ANY LONGER THAN I'M ALREADY HAVING TO SO I CAN SEE MY COUPLE TOGETHER!!!!! Besides, I've already got count downs to the beginning of season five posted on both my facebook and myspace pages...Don't make me have to go re-calculate them!

I don't think ANYONE wants another strike which I think is part of the reason AFTRA might have caved like they did. Let's just cross our fingers and pray that clear heads and open minds are at the negotiations table on SAG's behalf right now and let's pray that a deal can be reached and another strike is avoided. I'll post when I hear more.

One other small note I have to mention...CONGRATULATIONS once again, Julie!! I have no idea if you'll read this but your news really made my day and I am so happy for you!! Send pictures girl!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

Letting Go

I believe that we have to meet God halfway....We can believe and believe God for that job, or that house, or that husband or wife but we can't just sit there and then expect for it to drop into our laps without US having to do some work. I think our efforts are a way of putting action behind our faith. I created this blog with the thought that God was up to MAJOR things in my life and that when those things happened, THIS was where I would share those things...I could have waited until those things happened and then shouted them from the rooftops with a mass e-mail, but this blog was a small way for me to put a bit of action behind what I believe were some great things unfolding for me and I wanted to have this ready.

I woke up at 5:30 this morning (having not fallen asleep until 2) and made a decision. I will not be taking any further action to make my dream (at least my most heartfelt one) a reality. I knocked on another door Sunday night and really fell as though now, my two most promising lines have been cast into the water (fishing analogy...I have no idea why because I don't fish)I've done all I know to do and now all I can do is wait, pray and see what happens.

It was a really tough thing to do at five in the morning...I think I know deep down that Sunday night was my last REAL chance to make it happen and so waking up and the first thought in my head being.... "it's time to stop" was tough. Until today, I always knew that if I knocked on one door and it didn't open, there was another one waiting to be knocked on...I didn't know it then, but I know now....Sunday was my last door. And now, I just wait and pray that I did enough. That one door will open.

I left my dream on the alter this morning. I cried, I prayed, and I begged God and pleaded my case one last time and then I left my dream and all my efforts in His Hands. I don't know why it was so hard to do...Certainly God's hands are the BEST Hands for my dreams, it just feels as though I've worked so so so hard and now there's nothing left to do but pray that you did enough, that you heard God's direction clearly enough and that you are on the right track.

It's like you study months and months and months for that one test, you take the test and then you sit for an hour before making any move to turn it in because as long as you still have it, you can go back through and make changes, but once you hand it over to the proctor...That's it. It's done. No turning back.

Letting go is hard...I could put my Jesus mask on and say that because I knew I was giving it to Jesus that it was simple, but I can't do that. I sit here with tears in my eyes just typing this knowing that I did the right thing but still struggling with it.

When the time is right, I will be more specific about what I asked of God and the steps that I did take, until then and unless there is something specific to share about a breakthrough in this area it is something I doubt I will discuss a lot more for awhile...At least here. It was difficult just typing this up.

When something does happen I will share but I'm sure you guys are probably tired of hearing me go on and on about it so I'm going to try and be sensitive to that because I want you guys to keep coming here. All that I ask is that you pray as I wait. Thanks.

Another post coming tonight...It's one I won't send out an e-mail for because I doubt very many of you are interested, but if you are, check back tomorrow (or later tonight) for another post on an entirely different topic.

Until then....

I'm really trying here...

I cried myself to sleep last night. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just kidding myself. If my goals and desires are really attainable or if I'll look back on them years from now as just really great fantasies that kept me hoping against hope for so long.

People talk a lot about dreams...It's on the news, in commercials, people give speeches about them..."Dream big" they say. "Dare to dream!" they proclaim. "Live your dream!" Is that all it is? Just talk?

I'm floundering right now and I don't know why. I've had a huge lump in my throat all day because I went to bed praying for this dream to die...I didn't want to want it so badly because now the thought of it NOT happening is just a bit too much. I wanted to wake up this morning and not want it. Instead, I woke up this morning and almost ached because I wanted it MORE. That's God, right? Someone PLEASE reassure me that THIS is God at work...I can't believe that God would mess with a person's emotions in such a cruel way as to put this kind of desire in them and NOT let them experience having that which they desire eventually.

I have a dream...I never really thought it was something I needed, I thought it would be GREAT to have happen but often felt guilty for wanting it so badly, because I didn't think I "needed" it. Now, now I think it IS indeed something I need...A lot more than I realized. I need this to happen...not only for something deep within me to be healed, but so that I can look back on this and say, "Yes! Dreams absolutely do come true!" Because...I do, dream about this happening...All the time.

What's happening to me? Now is NOT the time to lose faith....Now is the time where unshakable faith is supposed to step in....Why am I doubting now? What happened between last night and today? Am I being tested? Is God trying to see just how far He can stretch me?

Do I still want this...More than ever. And now, I not only want it, I need it. Maybe that's what's going on...God is transforming my "want" to a "need" I never thought God would actually do that...And maybe that's not what's happening at all, that's just my best guess because this hurts, and transformation is painful sometimes so that's my best guess at to the purpose of my pain right now: Transformation

Ask, Seek, Knock

I've talked many times about how God is opening doors for me. I'm learning now that while God sometimes opens doors for us, other times he shows us a door and it is up to us to go KNOCK on the door first BEFORE it is opened. God has shown me several doors recently, and many times it took A LOT of courage for me to go and knock on some of them...I have stepped out of my comfort zone in ways I thought I never would, I do so because I have a dream...And I do not want to look back one day and say, my dream might have been behind that one door I didn't have the guts to knock on. Sometimes God opens the door for us, and other times I think He wants to see just how badly we want our dreams to happen.

I'm standing at a door right now that God has shown me. I'm knocking. I have other doors that I haven't knocked on yet because I'm still waiting to see if anyone is going to answer this door. How do you know when it's time to move on to another door? How do you know when to stay and hope that it's just taking the person on the other side awhile to get to the door? Or do you go knock on all the doors that are available and see which ones, if any open?

"Extraordinary Together"

For those that missed it (or just want to see it again) the beautiful ending scene to Grey's Anatomy's season four finale

Grey's Anatomy Episode Thoughts: "Freedom" (season finale)

Oh. My. Gosh. I LOVED this episode!!! Absolutely flippin' LOVED it!!!

* Normally, this would be the last thing I would post after commenting on everything else but since it's all I can think about I HAVE to talk about it FIRST.....THAT ENDING ROCKED!!!! I loved the house built by candle light on Derek's land and Meredith's ADORABLE ramble as she paced not knowing that Derek was watching, the way Derek said her name and then how Mer went on yet another adorable ramble about which rooms were where and for what...KIDS....She mentioned THEIR KIDS....Meredith Grey mentioned KIDS...."OUR kids" she called them! That's HUGE! And Derek...He put his hands behind his back and listened. Then he walked into the "house" and gave his take on the rooms...And HE mentions "the kids." And then....Meredith Grey was honest...."I'm still mad at you, I don't know if I trust you. I want to trust you but I don't know if I do so I'm just gonna try, I'm gonna try and trust you because I believe we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart..." She rambles and vents until while Derek slowly walks toward her and silences it all with a "lean into your televisions" kind of kiss! And then...he says he has to go speak to Rose so he can kiss her the way he wants to kiss her, so he can do more than kiss her..."Stay here. Don't move. Wait for me." with THE BIGGEST smile on his face...And as he turned to go, he was STILL smiling! And Meredith...She stayed. She's waiting. She's trusting. It was AMAZING!!!!!!! I flippin' LOVED IT!!!!!!!

* Did anyone notice how Ellen was on her tip toes while she was kissing Patrick. I didn't really notice it until I was re-watching the scene and after they broke the kiss, Ellen balances on her feet again. And when the camera pans out during the kiss, one of Ellen's feet is visible and she's definitely on her tip toes!! I think that's adorable!!

* Great camera work during the kiss...I love how the camera slowly circled them and then came in for a close up shot of their faces.

* Derek was totally smiling as they broke the long kiss and went into several short kisses. I think part of that was Patrick's relief that FINALLY....FINALLY they were together!!! Meredith and Derek were together! Patrick and Ellen have wanted their characters REALLY together for a very long time...I think both should be very pleased with how that reunion scene was written. They both were incredible! I know I was smiling through my tears!!

Okay...Now that I've gotten that out of the way, maybe just MAYBE I can focus on the rest of the things I found comment worthy....

* I loved Bailey with "cement boy" tonight... "If you see a warm, welcoming light....Don't go into it!" LOL! One of my favorite lines of the night!

* I actually felt for Izzie tonight! I know, I was looking out the window to see if pigs were flying too!

* I'm SO glad SOOOOO glad someone FINALLY put Hahn in her place tonight!! Go Cristina for telling her to "Shut up!" And go Webber for telling her she needed to be better in order to work there! Sorry, but that girl needed to be humbled!

* Have I mentioned how much I LOVE it when we see Derek interact with his patients?! I loved how gentle he was helping Beth back in the wheelchair after she was caught trying to go see Jeremy.

* Speaking of Beth...Can someone PLEASE PLEASE tell me what else that actress has played in??? It's driving me nuts trying to figure it out!! HELP!

* ROTFL at Meredith and Derek acting as "pimps" outside the hospital room. "No, she's not in any pain..." ROTFL!!!!!! And the looks Mer and Der exchanged as they went off to fill out paperwork that Meredith must of HAD to make up! "I'll be here, doin' my thing.." That was hysterical!

* Lexie and George...FINALLY! I was wondering when they were going to go that route! It was only a matter of time!

* Loved Bailey's speech to Izzie and how she gave the clinic to Izzie, taking steps toward fixing her marriage.

* Loved this exchange: Beth: Are you scared?" Derek: "Yes." Beth: "Me too, so let's just leap, okay?" I think that was very telling of his feelings on his relationship with Meredith...Yes, he's scared but sometimes you just have to take the leap and see what happens.

* Alex going off on Izzie....I get why he did it, but I was surprised at just HOW angry he got with her. I was however intrigued with what he had to say about how he took care of his Mom. I really hope more light is shed on that in season five.

* Webber and Meredith....I'm glad she finally told him about Ellis trying to kill herself. It'll be interesting to see where they stand when season five opens.

* Watching Meredith clean up the blood on the floor was heartbreaking and intense at the same time. I kept thinking that as the camera panned up we would see a young version of Mer doing the same thing years earlier.

* I LOVED that Mer finally got that when Ellis said, be extraordinary, how she wasn't talking about surgery and how that put her in high gear to find Derek.

* I've said it before and I'll say it again...Amy Madigan ROCKS! I REALLY REALLY REALLY want Dr. Wyatt back next season perhaps for both Meredith AND Derek!

* I liked how the episode ended with a bit of closure on everything but left the doors open enough to leave us curious about what's to come next season....Ava will be gone, but where are things headed with Alex and Izzie? George gets to retake his test, how will this change things for him? And what is brewing for he and Lexie? Webber and Adele are back together, can he make it work and STILL be chief? Callie and Erica...WHERE is that going and HOW will it work? Bailey...She's delegating. She went home to Tucker tonight...Can her marriage survive? I'm worried for Mark...What's next for him? Who is there left for him to be with? And of course...Meredith and Derek...They're together "for good" but clearly still have things they need to work through.

It will be REALLY interesting to see where Season Five picks up. I for one would like to see it pick up on the same night that it ended...He comes back to the house and he and Meredith TALK. It'll be interesting to see how they choose to handle closure on he and Rose. I think with them picking up on the same night it ended, there's more of a chance for Meredith and Derek to really look at their issues and say, "Okay, we're in this for good, let's work on things..." I think if it picks up weeks later then we're left to assume a lot and I don't want to have to assume...I want to SEE them working on things between them TOGETHER. I know it won't be easy, and they won't be in a happy place all the time, but they'll stick it out and work through it together...because that's what couples do.

I remember when season three ended, I was so sad because of how they left things with Meredith and Derek and then when the season was cut short during the writers strike how Meredith and Derek were basically "finished." I was dreading the show coming back and seeing them want each other but do nothing about it. Then I heard that Shonda had gained perspective during the strike and was putting Derek and Meredith together "for good." I didn't know how she was going to do it, but I was excited and I knew it wouldn't be until the finale that the reunion happened. Shonda proved herself. She did it!

For the first time in a long time I can look at the finale and instead of being tortured for three months about whether Meredith and Derek are together or apart, I'm full of hope for what season five is going to bring...For everyone! Thank you, Shonda! Thank you, writers!

"Stay here. Don't move. Wait for me." That we will do....With great anticipation!

Please Pray for the Chapman Family

Christian music artist Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife Mary Beth lost their five year old daughter, Maria Sue this afternoon. You can read the press release here:

http://www.stevencurtischapman.com/

My heart just breaks for this family. I've been a fan of Steven's for years and though I have never met him, I feel as though he has shared his life with his fans through his music. I can't even begin to imagine what they are going through.

It's times like this that it is hard to remember and comprehend that through EVERYTHING...God is still in control and God STILL has a plan.

May God grant them a comfort and a peace that is beyond all understanding and may His Arms just envelope them and hold them tighter than ever before.

Please keep all of the Chapman's in your prayers.

Tomorrow night they'll "get it right...."

*Credit for banner goes to LiaLuvPink19*

My Day As A Model

My Internet has been down since Friday and just got fixed today so this has been my first chance to blog in a few days...

I had been asked late last week by someone if I would be their cosmetology model when they took the practical portion of their cosmetology exam...

I honestly thought she was kidding at first. I mean the words, "Natalie" and "model" just don't go in the same sentence. I had no idea what I was saying yes to but she needed someone and I had nothing planned on Monday so I agreed.

All I was needed for was a manicure and a facial but since I can't drive, I had to stick around for the entire test period which was three hours and 25 minutes. I was told Sunday when we went up for her to "run through" things that the two of us would not be able to communicate in any way while she worked with (or more accurately "on" me). I was also told to slap on some make-up the morning of her test so that something would come off on the towel when she cleaned my face for the facial.

So, on Monday morning, with a lightly blushed face and a soft coloring of eye shadow (all my mom's) I was picked up at 10 and off we were to downtown Houston. As I thought on the way down I realized this was the first time really that *I* wasn't the one being tested but rather was the one on the other side watching while others had to deal with nerves and test anxiety. I did my best to support her on the way down there telling her to do what I did when I got really nervous...Just repeat Philippians 4:13 (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me) over and over. We got there at 11:30 and the test didn't start until 1:30 so we stopped for a quick bite at McDonald's after we made sure we knew where the building was.

After we finished lunch and went back to the building we trudged up to the second floor with a huge bag full of cosmetics. As we waited in a large room that was empty except for few chairs lining the wall, it was easy to tell who the models were and who the test takers were. One girl fidgeted with her bag while another nervously tapped her foot on the floor. My heart really did go out to them and I was SO thankful it wasn't me!

about 1:15 we were all called back shortly and after surrendering our ID's the models were asked to sit at the designated manicure tables, while the examinees were told to go to a cosmetics station and sit in the chair. Once it was time to begin, around 1:45 the examinees were asked to get their supplies all out and set up their stations...Two people forgot one item or another and because of that had to leave and were not able to return. The look of utter disappointment on their face as they re-packed their gear and left broke my heart. I couldn't imagine being in their shoes and knowing I was going to have to endure all of that again...I felt awful for them!

Manicures were first but only on five fingers, so my friend came to my table and set about her task. The silence in the room was almost deafening (I know that makes no sense, but it's true). We couldn't make eye contact so I spent that ten minutes going somewhere entirely different in my mind...Thinking, "Hmmm...I wonder just HOW Shonda is going to get Meredith and Derek together FOR GOOD on Thursday..." and went through possible scenarios (Nope, not kidding...that's what I thought about).

Once she was done, a proctor came and checked her work then told us we could go over to the chair and wait for the facial portion to begin...Mind you, they didn't give the polish on my nails ANY TIME to dry so by the time I made it to the chair....Let's just say, I was REALLY thankful they checked my nails BEFORE that! After waiting for about five minutes everyone was given the okay to start facials. I've never had a facial before....It was okay, not what I expected, but it was okay...I couldn't REALLY relax because the atmosphere was a bit too tense.

Once that was done and everyone had finished it was around 2:20. All models were told to leave. Actually, you're supposed to leave the building entirely but we got the ok for me to stay in the building...I wasn't allowed to take my purse or the other bag I had with me in the exam room so I had to leave it behind the front desk. So, once I left the exam room I quickly grabbed my bags and made my way back to the waiting room we had waited in earlier. I was alone so I went to the far corner of the room and settled in with a book, my ipod, and a Dr. Pepper. It was a LONG afternoon...I got up a few times and stretched talked to my Mom for about five minutes when she called to check in and tried to keep myself entertained....I was REALLY glad I had put some new songs on my ipod recently! At 5:15 my friend came in practically floating...She had passed her test! We could go home! I gave my face a nice scrubbing with soap and water and took my five polished nails and UNPOLISHED them. Felt SO much better!! :)

It was quite a day...I never have had any aspirations whatsoever to be a model and this just reaffirmed that modeling of any kind is something I DO NOT have ANY desire to do.

Grey's Anatomy Episode Thoughts: "Losing My Mind"

Wow! That was a bit more intense than the other episodes!

* LOVED the opening song that was playing!

* George running around for Webber...That was hysterical! Every time you saw him, he seemed to be running!

* I enjoyed George's scenes with Tuc tonight! HUGE kudos to him for getting Tuc out of the room while Baily and Tucker were yelling. I loved how he said, "Uncle George says everyting is going to be okay." and him taking care of him for Baily at the end..."Bailey and I are married..." LOL! I loved George tonight!

* Want to know who else I loved? Lexie!!!! I didn't want to like her...Haven't wanted to like her since her first appearance, but every show I love her more and more. And tonight...Tonight she ROCKED! I loved how she vented to Mer in the bathroom and told her that she loved her and forgave her. Also enjoyed watching her tell Cristina that her sour attitude was not going to dampen what Lexie had been able to experience.

* WHAT WAS CRISTINA'S PROBLEM?!? I got so sick of her jumping down everyone's throat tonight! I know that she's Meredith's "person" and all but if MY person ever spoke to someone the way Cristina spoke to Lexie before Meredith even had a chance to get the first word in...MY person and I would have problems! MY person would never do that! She'd give her a death glare while *I* went off but she'd NEVER do what Cristina did. It's times like this that Mer needs to tell Cristina to ease up. Her going off on George REALLY put me over the top. ENOUGH ALREADY!

* I could actually tolerate Izzie tonight...I was too busy being miffed at Cristina to be miffed at Izzie.

* I know I'm supposed to feel something for Rebecca, but I just....don't. I feel for Alex, but I just have nothing for Rebecca. Never really have.

* Mark "turning over a new leaf" Nice try.

* Callie and Hahn...Yeah, still not sure about that. Looks like Callie isn't sure either. I have to hand it to Hahn for telling Webber she wouldn't do the procedure. I know, she eventually did it but at least she had the backbone to say NO first...TO HER BOSS.

* Webber was funny tonight! I loved that he was confused by the "wink" and when she realized Adele was flirting he lit up! LOL!

* Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Amy Madigan?? "I'm trying to use the bathroom in peace! Everyone seems so unhappy in this place! And her interaction with Mer after Lexie left and she came out of the stall..."2:00 work for you?" Mer: "Yeah, okay." LOL! Loved that! And I loved how she called Mer on how much she quits....I REALLY hope she comes back for season five!

* I LOVED how she said Mer was just standing back WAITING for him to fail so that she could then put all the blame on him. YES!!!!!! THANK YOU! I love Meredith, I really do, but there's only so much Derek can do to show her what she means to him...She WAITS for the other shoe to drop!

* Derek and Meredith....I gotta be honest...The confused the HECK out of me tonight. I'm STILL trying to figure out how that patient tied together with their situation. Is Mer supposed to be Cinderella and Derek her Prince Charming?

* Derek was really short with her tonight and like I say, I'm STILL trying to figure out what all that was about. I think (and I'm just guessing here) that he saw that his patient had some hope and no matter how unrealistic it SOUNDED he was 1) trying to allow her to STILL hold on to that hope and 2) Derek wanted to believe that fairytales may not be strawberries and whipped cream all the time but they were STILL fairytales (was that was what all of the tiny glances at Mer and vice versa was about) I loved that even though they couldn't SEE Andre at first that that didn't mean he didn't exist. Faith, people. It's all about faith. Sadly, by the time Meredith and Derek found out he WAS real...It was too late.

*Amazing close ups of Patrick tonight.

* LOVED the scene of them waiting for Andre to show up and once his patient finally gave in and accepted that Andre wasn't real how Derek sat with her. Then,as they were explaining to Andre how she wasn't going to wake up...He was so emotional! And Meredith broke my heart! I was crying with her! Derek and Meredith were both in their own world dealing with their own emotions and both of them were breaking...Patrick and Ellen seemed to feed off each other emotionally. It was great. They were heartbreakingly...great and they made me cry!

* Is it just me or when Derek was walking off with Rose tonight did it seem like he was marching and stiff as a board? He's SO unhappy and his body language totally gives him away. He might say he wants happy and casual with Rose, but REAL relationships aren't ALL happy and casual. They're happy, casual, sad, up, down....they're COMPLICATED! but he's craving his complicated...He's craving Mer!

* LOVED the final song of the night! Love Love LOVE it! Already on my ipod in fact. Several others from tonight will follow tomorrow.

* The end scene...Ummm...WOW! "My Mom tried to kill herself when I was a kid. After the love of her life disappeard....." "So, you think I'm broken...Fix me. Cause I'm no quitter." Wow. Just wow. Ellen was incredible! THAT made had me crying all over again!!!!!! Ellen rocked that scene! And made me love Mer even more...She's flawed, she's got issues...but she's determined! Gotta love Mer! :)

I never thought I would be looking forward to the season finale of this show because it's always SUCH a long summer waiting for it to return. And with the writers strike we got a shortened season anyway But I gotta tell ya, I CAN'T WAIT until next week!!! It's gonna ROCK!! "Together....For good." :) Yes indeed! Is it too early to break out the victory champagne?? *wink*

One Year Has Passed....

"For I know the plan I have for you," Declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a future and hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11~


One year ago today was my college graduation day. I've dreaded this day coming in a way and looked forward to it in another sense.

I've grown SO much since this day last year....My faith is at a place it's never been. My trust in Christ has been tested and I believe I am passing those tests because I DO trust Him in a way I haven't before. I have no other choice BUT to trust at this point in my life. I've relived the memories of that day...Being with my family, seeing Darenee for the first time in ten years and it feeling as though not a second has passed, the feeling of accomplishment, the utter exhaustion I felt after the day was done and every one had gone home. It was a good day.

Since that time, my dreams have become more alive and more passionate. People that I NEVER would have thought would contact me for anything have contacted me asking me to pray for them...Just out of the blue. I've constantly been humbled by the fact that in their darkest times people have asked ME to pray for them...It's a responsibility and such an honor that I do not take lightly. My faith has grown indeed because of this.

I know now the freedom of praying and REALLY believing that God would work in the situation. A year ago I prayed and then crossed my fingers that something would happen. NOW, I pray KNOWING I've been heard and that KNOWING that God is at work in the situation. I pray bigger, bolder, and really ask for what I want. I used to pray prayers like, "God, you know best, you know what I want, it's up to you..." And Now I get specific...I have not because I ask not. I have two big dreams that I believe are God given and I pray specifically for them daily...They ARE big dreams and I have no idea how they can come to be in the natural, but I serve a supernatural God and I pray believing He will (and already is) making a way. Yes, I pray big and believe big.

I've dreaded this day as well. Not for me, but because I know my parents and others look back and don't see things the same way I do. A year has passed and still, I have no job. I really feel as though I've let people down and disappointed them. A year has passed and the high hopes people had for me seem to be crushed.

If I could give people a glimpse inside my head and heart, they would see that I do indeed have goals that I am going for, that I DO have plans and I'm working on making some of my dreams a reality. People would see how deep my desire is for these things to come to pass and how I go to God with them daily, many times begging for Him to move in a way He hasn't before. People would see my passion as genuine and not just a phase. People would see my efforts, and they would no longer feel let down or disappointed. I KNOW God has opened doors and I've knocked on several of them and am still waiting for someone to answer. God has a plan! *I* know this! *I* know I'm doing all I can, and *I* know these dreams are God given, but when I can't give people a physical glance at my heart for THEM to see what God is doing and the things He has revealed to me, it makes times very frustrating. I long for the day when God will show those that have second guessed my heart and are leery of the dreams I have ALL that He has been working on. I long for them to see that I'm not just "wasting my life away" but that I was following God's direction. I can't give you that physical glimpse, to prove these things real, that's where faith comes in.

"Now faith is being SURE of what we HOPE for and CERTAIN of what we DO NOT SEE." ~Hebrews 11:1~

I promise guys, God is NOT done with me yet...He IS leading me to doors and I promise, I'm knocking. There WILL come a day when God will let all of YOU see all that HE has been working on in me....He's revealed amazing things to me this past year. I know what it's like to REALLY have a passion for something and to really want it. One dream in particular I want so badly that it hurts. I've never felt like this before about anything. I've never wanted something SO much. So, I KNOW the dreams in my heart WILL come to pass. I know this because I want them too badly for them NOT happen. God DOES NOT put a desire like that within a person without plans to make them a reality. I really believe that and it gives me an incredible amount of hope and security.

Please don't count me out yet. I know so many of you have such high hopes for me and I can understand why you might feel disappointed, have faith. If you can't have faith in me right now (and I understand that) PLEASE have faith in HIM and His plans for me. He IS at work in my life, I promise.

Grey's Anatomy Episode Thoughts: "The Becoming"

I liked it. I really, really liked it....

* Meredith's opening and closing monologue rocked tonight!

* LOVED seeing baby Tuc again!!! And Miranda walking him down the hall...So cute!

* Line of the night: "Every time Derek walks into a room, all I can think about is his tongue.....In my mouth." ROTFL!!! Great! :)

* Meredith is actually TALKING about stuff...Who would of thought!!!

* Amy Madigan rocks! "Powerful stuff, reality!"

* "He's with Rose...." Quite a mantra! I giggled every time she started it!

* LOVE seeing Derek being a doctor once again!!! YAY!!!

* Dr. Bailey knocking on the door and knowing both Callie and Mark were in the same room...ROTFL!!

* Izzie = Annoying

* Hahn actually being compassionate with a patient...What a change! LOVED seeing that side of her!

* A date & tell policy and everyone having to fill out their history...Lovely!! Mark's face was priceless! Adele is back!!!! LOVE Adele!!!!!!

* Cristina singing "like a virgin" and Lexie joining in....ROTFL!!!!!!!

* George being Webber's intern...Poor George!! :D

* Derek and Meredith "practicing" and how Mer was totally staring him down while Derek was explaining things....And how Derek stole a glance at her while she wasn't looking...SWEET!

* Plot Device not needing a form...LOVED it! Until later in the show when she DID need one! LOVED how Lexie instantly apologized to Mer! (I want their sisterly bond to grow). And I loved how George instantly said he was going to get Cristina!

* Anyone else notice the Meredith and Derek's "music" played a lot tonight? I loved how all of those scenes involved Mer or Der in some way...And I just LOVE that melody!!

* LOL at Meredith grilling Lexie on how Cristina was acting and how Mer got up and ran when she found out Cristina was singing and then went and gave her a kick in the rear...Even though she had to be self deprecating to do so.

* First favorite scene of the night: Meredith and Derek doing the procedure together and Derek telling her to slow down, than having her look at him throughout the entire thing...."Look at me...Don't look at the machine, look at me....Slowly...." Eye contact the entire time and I loved how he still calms her down like no one else can. "We're standing on the moon, Dr. Grey" I don't think I was breathing the entire time!

* Dr. Bailey bringing her form to Webber... "Dr. Shepherd was just a moment of weakness...for both of us! ROTFLMBO!!!!!!! I heart Bailey and how she let Webber have it! Go Bailey!!!!!!!!! :D

* Bailey's speech to the nurses about Mark was hysterical!!!!!! I loved it!!!!

* Hahn and Callie...I STILL don't know where the writers are going with that!

* Mer: "Totally in sync like we were one person.." She was practically glowing! And Derek...He's SOOOO not into Plot Device! It can't be any more obvious!

* Der: "I slept with Rose and thought about Meredith the entire time...." Okay, didn't want him to ever sleep with her BUT...HE didn't initiate it, HE didn't enjoy it, HE had his mind on Mer the whole time and WE didn't have to see it! Thank you, Shonda!! Let's just remember too that the ONLY reason she slept with him was to prove Mark wrong...It was only on her mind because Mark got to her. It had NOTHING to do with love for Derek.

* Alex being a bit "fatherly" was awesome and how he let those kids go into the isolation bubble and be with their mom....AWESOME!

* Kudos to George for standing up to Webber...George has a spine and I love when he shows that!!

* Second favorite scene: Derek bringing the bottle of champagne to Mer and saying they would open it "when they succeed" Yep! Succeed they will! And they will open that for their victory dance...LOVED his pep talk!!! Patrick was AMAZING in that scene!!! AMAZING!!

* Love when Cristina finally opened up about how she really felt about Burke's success...I felt for her! She cried! She's not an emotional person and my heart broke for her. Sandra gave an awesome performance.

* Poor Bailey!!

* Adele and Richard back together!! Woo hoo!! :)

* "The tragic patient dies alone when the love of his life is in the next room...That's YOU." Yep! She "died" while he was right out in the hall RIGHT outside the door!

" "Do you KNOW why he's not with you....You're scared. YES!!! NOW we're getting somewhere and Meredith KNOWS it! That's why she walked out...It hit home and she ran...She's scared. I can't wait to see her actually confront that and deal with it!

Yep! I liked it! Progress in SO MANY ways for everyone! I'm lovin' it!! Can't wait to see what next week brings!! :)

ANOTHER Strike for Hollywood?

I just read that Hollywood producers have walked away from negotians with the Screen Actors Guild.

Tomorrow the smaller union the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists will go to the bargaining table and they are expected to reach a deal quickly. If that is the case, SAG is going to have to decide if they strike without the support of that union (which includes about 70,000 people. SAG has about 120,000 people and the two unions share about 44,000 dual members).

I personally think that if AFTRA reaches a deal quickly that SAG should see where they can get breaks in other areas of their contract. I don't think a strike would be supported what with SO many actors being shared by BOTH unions. Now, if AFTRA and SAG were still unified and acting as one, I could see where a strike might have a larger affect, but without the support of AFTRA, I don't think a strike would do much other than put crew and other production staff out of a job again, damage struggling shows TRYING to get enough steam to be picked up for another season and hurt even the popular shows who are still struggling to get their audiences back from the previous strike and pull their ratings up. Not to mention putting endless reruns or reality t.v. back on the air again....Every single show back from the writers strike is struggling right now. Last week, ratings for every show were at an all time low. Another strike would certainly only do futher damage

I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER STRIKE!!! This last one was hard enough and I was a firm supporter of the writers and their cause. It's rumored that producers have said they will return to the table with SAG on May 28th. I really think right now a lot is riding on what agreement (if any) AFTRA comes to. As I've said, the support of that union (or lack of) could be what determines whether or not there will be a strike.

Let's pray a settlement is reached on ALL sides by the time SAG and AFTRA's contract expires on June 30th...Or get ready to pull out the dvd's again to satisfy our t.v. craving during another strike.

God IS in the details!

This was sent to me recently and by the time it was in awe, once again over God's Hands in the details of His Creation! His Mark is truly and literally within ALL of us!

(You'll need to pause my music to hear the video)

"Made of Honor" Review

First, let me just say that I don't think I have ever gone to see a movie on the night it opens--Ever. And Patrick Dempsey is the ONLY actor I would brave crowds like that for--The ONLY actor! And.....It was SO worth it!

I don't want to reveal too much because I know most people haven't seen it yet and I don't want to give anything away, but I wil say that Patrick is hysterical in it! I laughed throughout the entire movie. One of the great things about Patrick I think is that it all seems so natural to him...Of course, he's an actor so it's his job to make it look natural...but I've watched movies at times where it's almost uncomfortable to watch because it seems they are trying to force themselves into character. Not so with Patrick.

My best friend and I talk all the time asbout how Patrick's facial expressions can totally make the scene...That's what this movie did...There were times I was cracking up simply at his facial expressions.

I wasn't too impressed with Michelle Monahan as Hannah. Honestly, I kept thinking that Kimberly Williams Paisley would have fit the role better. I think the two look very similar and I loved the chemistry she had with Patrick in Lucky 7. I think Michelle was okay, don't get me wrong...but she reminded me so much of Kimberly Williams Paisley look wise throughout the movie that I kept trying to put her in the role. If Patrick ever reads this (I know, fat chance) he probably won't appreciate that. Sorry, Patrick.

Busy Phillips was also in the movie (she played Audrey on Dawson's Creek, and most recently Hope on E.R.) I liked her in both of those and liked her in this but hated her character (which was the idea, I think). She played it well and it was great to see her again...Happy she made it to the big screen. (She might have already made it to the big screen, but I don't remember seeing her in any big movies before).

The scenes shot in Scotland were beautiful...I can understand why Patrick has raved about it in all his interviews. And I LOVED listening to the scottish accents (I have a think for accents)!

The music in it was great. I'll definitely be getting the soundtrack.

There were times I was surprised the rating was only PG 13. There was no nude scenes (Patrick filmed one but it was cut in order to keep the PG 13 rating. Sorry, ladies. Perhaps we'll see the deleted scenes on the dvd). But there was some pretty crude language at times that I'm surprised didn't up the rating anyway. We DO however get shirtless scenes so perhaps that'll keep you guys smiling.... :) And Patrick's character has a love for dogs in the movie which I found adorable!

For fellow Grey's fans...There are at least THREE things I noticed in the movie that I thought was sort of a nod to Derek...One of them he "has a thing for" on Grey's, the second was something he told Meredith he LIKES toward the end of of the last episode of season one to which Mer replies, "I bet you do!" (although that something is not EXACTLY what the movie this is referring to but once you see it, you'll get it) and third other one is pretty obvious that I'm sure when you hear it you'll know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. That's all the hints I'm giving...After you see it, we'll see if you catch them (and who knows...Maybe some that I missed)! I actually practically gave one away already. *wink* And the hints were given in random order by the way. All of them very subtle (If you're not a Grey's watcher, you catch them but I definitely thought they were nods to Grey's (or perhaps I look at it to deep) but I found them endearing anyway. :) We'll see what others think after they watch!

I LOVED it! Really loved it! The hopeless romantic that I am was in Heaven with this movie...Will I go see it again....Already have plans to do so! ;)

Thoughts for Grey's Anatomy episode 4:13 "Piece of My Heart

These ARE spoilerish so if you haven't seen the show yet and don't want to be spoiled, leave now and come back later!

Alrighty....Here we go in no particular order.....

• FINALLY we know Derek's middle name.....THANK YOU, ADDISON (Okay, and the writers too) I have read SO many fanfics that have just stuck a middle name in there and it always irked me that we didn't know his middle name. Christopher happens to be one of my favorite names...Up until tonight I personally had always thought his middle name could be Michael. I had nothing to back that up...It just flowed well of the tongue for me...Derek Michael Shepherd...But now that I've been repeating his real middle name to myself for the past hour, I like it!!! Derek Christopher Shepherd...It works! It flows! I like it!!! Now...Meredith's middle name....Hmmm...Do we know? Have they ever said? Thoughts on what YOU think it could be? I'm just so happy we know Derek's!!! Personal highlight of the show for me! Score for Shonda!
  
• The elevator scene with Derek...Followed by Mer...Followed by Addison...Followed by Plot Device (aka Rose). LOVED the way Addison was practically giving the back of Plot Device's head a "go somewhere" look! Practically boring holes into it!!! Go Addison!!! And then Mark's reaction when he saw who was on the elevator....HA!!!!!!! Loved it!!! Cracked up at the comment he gave!! I kept trying to imagine all of them reading this in the script at the table read! I'm sure THAT was fun!!!
  
• Izzie really got on my last nerve tonight (but then again, what else is new). Hahn was the same for me. I REALLY do not get why she is so rude to Cristina. I thought a lot of that was uncalled for.
  
• So....Derek and Addison...Even SHE knows Derek is fooling himself trying to get over Meredith....I don't really think Mer expects greatness JUST from him....I think she's still dealing with her mommy issues and needs to find greatness in HERSELF as well.
  
• Loved that Cristina mentioned the drowning. Granted, it was just a passing comment, but I think (or at least I REALLY hope) that subject will come into play more in the remaining three episodes as Meredith and Derek work their way toward each other. Patrick mentioned some emotional episodes and I hope all of that is talked about between them!
  
• Mer poking her head in to rant to her therapist...Loved it! At least she confronted that with someone instead of avoiding it. Progress!
  
• Bailey broke my heart tonight. I liked the scene with her and Addison.
  
• My thoughts were everywhere concerning Alex tonight...First I wanted to slap him for being a jerk to Rebecca (not that I like her, but still...he had responsibilty there) and then I wanted to hug him when he teared up in the OR. Alex doesn't do that and I love that the writers are peeling some of his layers back. Wonder what's going to happen when it is learned Rebecca is not pregnant. Guess this is a way for her to be written off the show.
  
• I cracked up at Addison using a McName!!! That was great!!
  
• I could have gone ALL season without hearing "heavy petting, lots of tongue" coming from Plot Device's mouth...Blech! Did NOT need, nor did I WANT to hear that.
  
• On the upside....NO Derek/Plot Device interaction. LOTS of Derek/Meredith interaction! THAT'S the kind of equation I LIKE!!!
  
• The Meredith and Derek scene at the end...The "look"--THEIR look. No two do that better than Patrick and Ellen! The way he shook her hand...Yep...It's coming...I can taste the reunion already!
  
• I love when we get to see Derek interact with his patients! He's so great with them!
  
• More great songs tonight!!
  
• Addison....All she did was float from one situation to the next. She didn't really offer anyone any huge insight. I was hoping SHE would be the major catalyst for the Meredith/Derek reunion. PR stunt for Private Practice is what I chalk it up to. Not sure how effective it will be but here's hoping!
  
• I did like the fact that she seemed to be on the side of Meredith....And she scored at least one point with me when she called Plot Device "that doe eyed little thing..." :D
  
• The previews for next week already have my Mer/Der lovin' heart beating a little faster....
  

There's SO much good stuff still coming before the season is over...And since I know (and those who are up to date on spoilers also know) the direction things are headed...I'm just going to sit back and enjoy seeing HOW they get there!


Thoughts/comments are always welcome!

Thanks, Comments, and just plain babble

Just wanted to thank Amanda for making my beautiful new header and helping me give my blog it's own special flair! I love it. Thank you so much, Amanda! Love you girl!

New post coming tonight after Grey's Anatomy. At my sister's request (she says she wants to know)....I will start leaving my thoughts here as well as my Dempsey Devotion myspace page and people that don't have access to myspace at work (like my sister) can still read my thoughts and comment on them here, if you like. I'd LOVE to hear what you think! You all know I have LOADS to say after the show (Kara especially gets the brunt of it, but she still loves me anyway). Anyway, a post WILL be up sometime tonight...Probably very late as I have one other show I watch AFTER Grey's (which is E.R. LOST gets put on hold until the next day, otherwise I'd never get to bed) before I make it back to my computer to re-watch my tape of Grey's and blog while doing so...Nonetheless, I'll let you know when it's up.

Speaking of letting you know...I have a question about that, are you guys okay with me letting you know every time I blog or would you rather I sent one notification out at the end of the week telling you it's been updated? I can do either...I know I'm not blogging a lot right now but I expect that to change shortly and might be blogging several times a week, I don't want to annoy you guys daily with e-mails if that's not what you want, but if you want to be updated at the end of the week (if I've updated at all) I can do that. Or I can keep e-mailing every time I update.

Leave comments and let me know what you think. I really do appreciate your interest and I hope to blog start blogging more often...About anything and everything. :) So let me hear your take on the notifications and we'll go with what most people want.

Again....Standing ovation for Amanda!!! I love my new look and thank you for it!

See you guys tonight!!