Dreaming in Silence

Have you ever been in a situation where you're trying to get someone to understand something, how important something is to you, how deeply you were affected by something. You're trying so hard and yet you feel like no one is really hearing you? That your point is just not getting across? That's how I feel tonight.

I sit here with tears in my eyes as I type this. I SO want my dream to come true. I don't think words could ever express just how badly I want my story to get to Patrick and what it would mean to me to get to say thank you to him. And yet, I KNOW you guys are SO tired of hearing about it.

I've been a little angry at God the past few days....WHY can't He give me another dream that I can actually WORK toward? Give me something I can tell people that won't make them roll their eyes inwardly. I've literally started making stuff up when people ask me what my dreams are. I can't tell you how many people I've sent to this blog hoping against hope that they would know someone who might be able to help get my story to Patrick. I just have this fear of seeing the end of this dream and looking back saying, if I had just told this person or e-mailed this person, MAYBE THEY could have been the one to help make this a reality.

It's my dream, yes. But I know you guys are tired of hearing about it. Just as much as I'm tired of trying over and over again to try and get someone who may be able to help to actually read what I have to say. I've talked so much about it that I don't think anyone is really listening anymore.

So, it will be a silent unspoken dream from now on. Honestly, I can't talk about it anymore...It's just too painful to hope at this point. Sorry to have gone on for so long about it...

Happier blogs to come!

"When you're dreamin' with a broken heart, the giving up is the hardest part." ~John Mayer~

My Le Mans Experience

I did something this weekend that I can honestly say I have never done...I watched sports all weekend. Okay, so it was just ONE sport, but still, for a girl who only watches sports during the summer Olympics, this is a big thing for me.

I watched Patrick and his teammates, Joe Foster and Don Kitch Jr. race at Le Mans...And I watched the entire thing! ALL 24 hours!

I have to admit, I had some nerves about watching the race. Those of you that know me know that one of my worst fears is Patrick being injured during a race. It's one thing to know he's racing and to pray for him but not actually SEE what's going on, it's QUITE another to SEE everything that's happening, live! It was quite nerve wracking at times. Please know that for me this was a first...I've NEVER gotten to see Patrick race before and it was LE MANS so it was pretty emotional on all fronts. There is no way I will ever remember everything and as soon as I post this, I know there will be something I forgot to add so just bear with me because as I write this I haven't slept since 7:15 Saturday morning. Along the way I will share some of my favorite pics with you(All of them courtesy of the Team Seattle Facebook Page or various other sites. I definitely wasn't one of the lucky ones there in person so none of these are mine). They won't necessarily correspond with what I write. In fact, none of them do, but I tried to come close.

First off, did you know Patrick is a blogger? Yep! He blogged throughout the week leading up to the race. It was so awesome to see things through his eyes. And the best part...Readers could leave comments! Who knows if Patrick read them, but I commented on every single blog...Hoping.

I'm not going to go hour by hour but just touch on what were the highlights for me. The first moment that sticks out was an interview Patrick did right after his first leg of the race. I wish I had a snap shot for you of the pure excitement on his face, he was practically giddy and grinning from ear to ear. Brought tears to my eyes. Had to be one of the cutest interviews I've ever seen. His face had to hurt from smiling so much...He was absolutely drinking it in.
Every time Joe, Don, or Patrick were interviewed, they said how incredible it was to be there and how they were just honored and thankful for the chance to be at Le Mans. Such humble and gracious guys. Every lap they completed raised money for Seattle Children's Hospital and it was evident they wanted to raise as much money as they could for the hospital.
For me, the most anxious moment came early Sunday morning (in France. In the US it was still Saturday night) Patrick was behind the wheel, doing his thing and there came word that there was a serious accident. It was dark, of course so for a few moments no one was sure who it was. And for those few moments...I was a wreck. It didn't take long to identify who it was, but it felt like ages. It wasn't Patrick and the odds that it would have been him were slim, and I knew that, but still...My worst fear guys...I was still shaking twenty minutes after. They driver involved in the wreck was pulled from the car and taken to the hospital, and it turns out he's fine, but looking at what was left of the car, it's a miracle. I was texting and tweeting everyone I knew to pray. Patrick safely pitted a few minutes later.
The night was long as some twitter friends and I kept each other going while we cheered on the team. Don, bless his heart, was sick with a severe chest cold so he didn't get a lot of time behind the wheel. Patrick and Joe took turns racing for two hours at a time throughout the night. When Patrick came out for his next stint, he was apparently asked by someone off camera if he had slept, and he told them, "No way! I'm too excited to sleep!" It was then that I told someone I was tweeting with that if Patrick hadn't slept, WE certainly couldn't! LOL! That just seemed to stiffen our resolve to stay awake with them through the end. We really got excited as we watched the team continue to climb in their class rank.

A few anxious moments when Patrick had to make an unscheduled pit stop to fix something on the car and he stayed there for what seemed like ages to us and I'm sure even longer to him. We were afraid they would slip out of the top ten and kept saying willing them to hurry by talking to our televisions (or was I the only one doing that guys? LOL) saying, "Please hurry!" "Work faster!" FINALLY Patrick was off again and they were still in the top ten but by a smaller margin. A twitter friend of mine said, "Don't worry, Speedy Joe is up soon (her nickname for Joe Foster that still makes me giggle) he'll help make up ground." So, Zoom Zoom Paddy (the nickname I came up with for PD because of his Mazda "the zoom zoom way" voice overs) finished his stint, and Speedy Joe took the wheel. Soon, they were ninth in their class! We were ecstatic!

I have to say, it was really odd to be watching coverage and see the sun coming up there while it was still the very early morning hours here. Speaking of that, on Patrick's blog for Friday, he mentioned that his body wasn't sure what time it was and he was awake when he should be sleeping, and tired when he needed to be alert. So, as I went to bed Friday, I prayed that Patrick would get a great night's rest. I forgot all about the time difference and the fact that as I was praying that prayer, it was already race day for Patrick! LOL! Thank goodness God knew I was going to pray that prayer ahead of time and answered it early. Sorry about that, Patrick! I DO hope you got a great night's rest before race day!

Seven o'clock my time Sunday morning brought what is, in my opinion, the most emotional interview I've ever seen Patrick give. As he and Don talked to a reporter the reporter made mention that he could see in Patrick's eyes how much this experience meant to him...It was then that Patrick nodded and from my view seemed to tear up and get emotional. That's all it took for me to start crying...Again, these guys were THRILLED to be there. At Le MANS for cryin' out loud! It doesn't get any better!

The race ended at 8:00 a.m. this morning. Patrick, Joe, and Don came in 30th overall and 9th in their class. AND...They raised 258,800 for Seattle Children's Hospital!! How incredible is that?! GO TEAM SEATTLE!!!!

Now, here's why this race was an experience for me and such an emotional one at that...

Patrick, Joe, and Don were in Paris France. At Le Mans. That's big. It's HUGE. And it's a dream come true for all of them. It's emotional for me because as I watched them race, I watched their dream come true...I mean literally saw it coming true hour by hour as they gave interviews and with each stint they completed, more of their dream just continued to unfold. If you've read this blog any than you probably know what my dream is...For my story to get to Patrick and be able to thank him personally for how his story changed my own. You also know how I'd pretty much given up hope that that will ever happen. I watched videos of the team in France throughout the week and the throngs of people just wanting an autograph from Patrick and I looked at the sea of people and thought, "that's why I feel this is a dream going nowhere...I'm just another fan, in a sea of faces. There's no way I can just travel to his races on my own because of my disability, I'd have to have a way to get there. Yes, meeting Patrick and thanking him is my dream, but I know there's very little hope that it will.

As I watched Team Seattle's dream unfold before my eyes, I can't help but feel a spark of renewed hope that my story WILL somehow get to Patrick....If they can get to Le Mans....My story can get to Patrick. It's a spark of hope that I needed and that I'll hang on to. I want my own "Le Mans Moment" so to speak, where I see my dream unfolding.

So, yet again, I'm teary as I type this up. I have to thank some people that kept me going last night: @zennish, @pdempseyfansite, @GraveDancer40, @Evie_89, @pickmeforever, @PD_EP_FAN, @adene626 and Kara.

you guys were a blast to experience this with!! Definitely made some new friends....And twitter hasn't been quiet since! Thanks for helping keep me awake last night as we cheered on our guys together! It really was so much fun! Same time, same place next weekend for Patrick's next race? LOL! Seriously, you guys are great...Loved spending those 24 hours with you!

Thank you to EVERYONE who kept Patrick, Joe, and Don in your prayers this weekend...God was definitely protecting them and blessing them the entire time!

Congratulations once again to Joe, Patrick, and Don....You lived the dream....You raced at Le Mans! And we're all so happy and proud for you and thrilled that we got to take the journey with you! It was a complete honor to spend "24 Hours at Le Mans" with you.

Prayers For Patrick

I'm posting this Thursday night since those that are subscribed won't get this update until Friday morning....

Please be in prayer once again for Patrick Dempsey. He is in France and will be racing at Le Mans this weekend. Every lap completed raises money for Seattle Children's Hospital. Please pray for Patrick and Team Seattle all throughout the weekend. Pray for total protection, for every need to be met, and that they have a great race. Pray for everyone behind the scenes as well...Those taking care of the drivers, the sponsors to get the coverage they need, and pray that the money that is raised will continue to help the children of Seattle Children's Hospital.

And pray for the families of those in France who are trying to keep things going at home while their spouses/loved ones are away.

Most of all though, please just pray for the entire team's safety and protection as they race. For those interested, the race will be broadcast on the Speed Channel. ONLY for Patrick Dempsey would I ever watch sports all weekend long...LOL! But after what he's done for me, it's the least I can do. And I consider it an honor to pray for him and his team this weekend. Thanks in advance for joining me in prayer....

Go Team Seattle!

Love This Quote....

Past the seeker as he prayed came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten. And seeing them... he cried, "Great God, how is it that a loving creator can see such things and yet do nothing about them?" God said, "I did do something. I made you." ~Author Unknown

Sunscreen and Softball

Well, All Stars weekend (at least this weekend) is officially over. We had a great time!

We were able to get a great parking spot right next to the field where we just back up our van, opened the back and we were set! Kimberly sat on the other side of the field but we were able to see each other, and Justin (since he's one of the coaches) had his spot where he stood and it was fairly close to us. So, aside from being a bit far from Kimberly, it was a great set up!

The first game Saturday morning was really nice. The weather was great--not too hot yet. We won that one (we didn't know until awhile AFTER it was over that we'd won...Long story. Ask Kimberly if you really want to know because I can't really explain it to you).

It was the middle of the first game that I noticed I was already getting red so I smeared on some more sunscreen. Once that game was over, we had a break until our 1:25 game so the girls played (calmly so they wouldn't get worn out) and Mom, Dad, and I made sandwiches and had lunch while we watched the other teams play (it's a bit more relaxing when you have nothing invested in the game your watching LOL!) I put on my ipod after awhile and watched. Kinda neat watching it set to the music I was listening to. It was hot by this point and I was under an umbrella trying to keep the sun off my legs.

We played our second game and then convinced Alexis to lay down in the back of the van while we waited for the 4:00 game. She never went to sleep but at least she was still (somewhat) for awhile. After the 4:00 game was over, we were done until Sunday morning. I had definitely gotten some sun but didn't realize how much until Mom, Dad, and I stopped for dinner on the way home. I took off my sunglasses when we got inside, and Dad burst out laughing. He said I looked like a raccoon. I didn't realize how true it was until I was getting ready for my shower last night and looked in the mirror....DEFINITELY a raccoon! And judging from the way everything stung when I stood under the water in the shower--a slight sunburn as well.

We got up this morning (Sunday) and headed BACK to Montgomery and were lucky enough to get our same parking spot so we had the same set up as before. Thanks, Lord!

The highlight of the game came when Lexi got up to bat. Of course we cheered as she batted and cheered as she hit the ball and ran..... and she kept running....Yep....My Ladybug got a HOME RUN!!!!!!!! I don't think I've ever cheered so much or so loudly in my life! And as she made it safely to home....Oh. My. Gosh. The reception she got!!!! It was such a sight! Made my entire day!! Of course, we all got teary and seeing all of her teammates and coaches so excited for her was just...Amazing. Kimberly and the rest of the parents were at the fence yelling for her as she walked to the dugout. Proud doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. And Kimberly said Alexis was beside herself afterward. Highlight of the game. Highlight of the day. We were THRILLED! Justin looked over at us after things finally calmed down a little and said, "I need oxygen!" He was so proud!

That was our last game and we were headed home a little after ten this morning. It was really a great weekend! I had a blast! I love watching and cheering for those girls. They really have a great team and the coaches are awesome at teaching them and encouraging them.

I don't know yet if we'll be playing any more tournaments this season but will keep you posted. Thank you all so much for your prayers for the team this weekend! It really was a blessed time!

And thanks for praying for Patrick Dempsey as well. He came in 8th in his race.

Prayer Requests for This Weekend

Many of you know that Alexis made the All Stars softball team. Well, All Stars weekend is here!

Tomorrow (Saturday) morning we will travel to Montgomery to watch and cheer on Alexis and the rest of her teammates. They are guaranteed to play four (yes, you read that right...FOUR) games tomorrow the first one beginning at 9:05 a.m.

Please be in prayer for safe travel for all of the players (and their cheerleaders) as we all set out to Montgomery in the morning. Please also pray for safety as they play, that they might be able to maintain their energy level for all four games and that no one gets injured or hurt in any way. There is also a real possibility that they will play again on Sunday depending on how things go tomorrow. It is sure to be a full weekend that will no doubt take it's toll on my little Ladybug by the time it's over. Please say a special prayer for her (I am a bit biased you know *wink*). Aside from the heat, we're looking forward to it. They've got a great team with great coaches! And thank the Lord that while it will be hot, the humidity is supposed to be low, so that should help! :)

Also, if you could also take a minute to pray for Patrick Dempsey this weekend. He will be racing. Please pray for his safety and total protection.

Thanks in advance for praying for all of these things! I know God is listening now and will be listening and present all weekend!

Doubting the Difference

I recently was visiting with a friend catching up on things since we hadn't seen each other in awhile. She had apparently seen my facebook (and perhaps this blog) and asked about why my admiration for Patrick Dempsey ran so deep.

I froze. Literally. My mouth went dry and felt like it had been stuffed with a dozen cotton balls. As I tried to figure out where to start and stumbled awkwardly through the story with a shaky voice I knew I had lost their attention mid story but finished in a hurried frantic way.

Where had my confidence gone? What was the problem? I mentally kicked myself through the rest of our visit and came home bombarded with doubts cringing as my mind constantly replayed it over and over.

Stopping to think about it, I know perhaps why it was such a nerve wracking experience for me...It was the first time I had told my experience out loud. Ever. It's one thing to write it, and I have done that...over and over again. But to say the words...To actually hear myself saying them brought much more emotion than I ever expected.

It's a scary thing to tell what is to this day my darkest moment. I was scared to death of being judged and the worst thing that could have happened, happened. She didn't get it. And I knew she didn't get it. And I knew that the reason for her not getting it probably had to do with my nerves and the way I tried to tell the story while my mind was screaming at me a thousand things...The main thing being "JUST SHUT UP! This is YOUR story and you can't even tell it, you idiot!"

And THAT is what has been going through my head ever since....I'm SUCH an idiot! Perhaps my whole "Dempsey Difference" isn't THAT big a deal after all. Maybe it's just something I've blown up in my head and maybe THAT is why anybody I've contacted and shared my story with to try and get it to Patrick hasn't done so...Because it's NOT that huge, because people have similar experiences all the time and WHY should mine be any different. Why should *I* be set apart from the thousands of others that would give anything to meet Patrick Dempsey?

I don't have the answers to most of those questions....Maybe THIS is why I haven't had any progress in my story getting to Patrick...Because if I can't tell a friend the story, then how in the heck do I expect to tell Patrick? Does my story REALLY matter?

Doubt. It's a huge and scary thing.

Dear 2009 Hurricanes....

Dear 2009 Hurricanes,

Today marks the beginning of yet another hurricane season. It seems like just yesterday that you left us with Ike aftermath to clean up. So, may I ask that you take it easy on everyone this season? As much as I enjoy watching Frank Billingsley, I'd rather NOT see him have to do 24 hour coverage an approaching hurricane as we all sit glued to the t.v. wondering if we'll be evacuating or "hunkering down." Yes, hurricanes, please make it a very underwhelming season this year....We'd all appreciate it!

Respectfully,

Someone who's glad that at least she doesn't live in Florida