Many of you who read this have heard me talk about and request prayer Kyle Sherrill. I post today asking for more prayer on his behalf.
According to this post that his mom, Kelly posted today, Kyle is scheduled to have his hernia repaired on March 4th. I ask anyone and everyone who reads this to start praying now. Pray for Kyle, pray for his parents Kelly and John, pray for the doctors and nurses that will be taking care of him. Just lift the situation up daily.
Kyle's story is a miracle story and it gives clear evidence that prayer works. So, I ask you to please pray and have others pray as well for this precious family. Thank you!!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Lessons Learned From Dark Moments
"I've got a story, I've got a story to tell, and I wish it was a pretty one." ~Michael Kisur~
I get told many times how wonderful my attitude is about my disability and how I handle it. And often, those remarks cause me to inwardly cringe. Why? Because I know the truth. I know the times I have wondered why and wished it could be different. I know the times my attitude, while on the outside portrayed that everything was fine, while inside, I was hurting and confused. I know the nights alone in my room where I had thoughts of just wanting it all to stop, for everything to just be over and done. I know. I know how bad it got. I know. And it was anything BUT good. And with that brings guilt...A LOT of guilt.
I'm learning that one of the hardest things a person can do is forgive. Not someone else...Yes, while that may be hard, often times the person hardest to forgive is our self. Because we know that many times the person we see in the mirror is not the person we are and we have to find a way to manage that.
The thing is...I have to remember, that I've already been forgiven. Everything I've done, everything I've considered doing, everything I will do has been forgiven. Is it for me to say that Jesus dying for me...For EVERYTHING I've done was not enough? No. It's a struggle every day though. It's a choice every day for me to look at myself and say "You're forgiven."
Another thing I'm learning....It's in those darkest moments that God will get the most glory.....If we allow it. See, I know that since my darkest moment in 2006, that God is working on me BECAUSE of that time. I have a story that someone out there needs to hear...I don't know who, or when, or why...But someone somewhere is in the place where I was...And I can give them hope. I can share with them what God did for me...How He showed up in a very unlikely way and how in that moment, everything changed. I can BE that for another person. But if I'm constantly walking around hanging on to the guilt of how I almost blew it, then I'm wasting time. And I'm more than likely missing chances to help other people. God wants to give my pain a purpose.
I'm not saying that God wanted me in a depressed state...That wasn't His doing. That was all Satan. There were two voices I could have listened to during that time and instead of listening to His still small voice, I listened to the one that screamed at me endlessly. The one that told me I wasn't good enough, smart enough, the one that told me I was damaged and slow, the voice that told me I was alone and that nobody knew how I felt, that nobody had been where I was. It was that voice that made praying difficult...So difficult in fact that I stopped praying and started begging...For anything to prove him wrong. For anything to make everything okay again....And God showed up. Revealing Himself through Patrick Dempsey in a youtube video on a late September night in 2006....God showed up as I listened to Patrick Dempsey's story and heard my own. God showed up.
No, God did not want me in that depressed state, but He took my darkest moment and gave it purpose. He showed me that one person, one voice, one action, one story can make a difference. And after that night....I'm changed. I'm changed because I know God can use me. I can be that one person for someone else. My outlook is different, my purpose is different, my perspective is different.
I wake up every morning and before I even leave my bedroom, I look at myself in the mirror and say to myself. "You're forgiven." Forgiveness, like everything else doesn't happen overnight, it's a process, but for me, saying that is a start and a reminder to not let guilt that has already been taken care of by my Creator, hold me back from what God is doing and wants to do through me.
I'm working on saving up for a bracelet I want that I want to have inscribed with "The Dempsey Difference" so that I can have a constant reminder on my wrist at all times of that moment and what I've learned because of it.
I don't share this easily, and I can imagine many of you probably have a very different picture of me now and that's understandable. I write this though with one favor to ask:
If you're carrying guilt today...Let it go. God has something He wants to do through YOU and He can't use you to the fullest extent if you won't allow Him to. Let it go. You're forgiven.
"Would it set me free if I dared to let you see the truth behind the person that you imagine me to be." ~Casting Crowns~
I get told many times how wonderful my attitude is about my disability and how I handle it. And often, those remarks cause me to inwardly cringe. Why? Because I know the truth. I know the times I have wondered why and wished it could be different. I know the times my attitude, while on the outside portrayed that everything was fine, while inside, I was hurting and confused. I know the nights alone in my room where I had thoughts of just wanting it all to stop, for everything to just be over and done. I know. I know how bad it got. I know. And it was anything BUT good. And with that brings guilt...A LOT of guilt.
I'm learning that one of the hardest things a person can do is forgive. Not someone else...Yes, while that may be hard, often times the person hardest to forgive is our self. Because we know that many times the person we see in the mirror is not the person we are and we have to find a way to manage that.
The thing is...I have to remember, that I've already been forgiven. Everything I've done, everything I've considered doing, everything I will do has been forgiven. Is it for me to say that Jesus dying for me...For EVERYTHING I've done was not enough? No. It's a struggle every day though. It's a choice every day for me to look at myself and say "You're forgiven."
Another thing I'm learning....It's in those darkest moments that God will get the most glory.....If we allow it. See, I know that since my darkest moment in 2006, that God is working on me BECAUSE of that time. I have a story that someone out there needs to hear...I don't know who, or when, or why...But someone somewhere is in the place where I was...And I can give them hope. I can share with them what God did for me...How He showed up in a very unlikely way and how in that moment, everything changed. I can BE that for another person. But if I'm constantly walking around hanging on to the guilt of how I almost blew it, then I'm wasting time. And I'm more than likely missing chances to help other people. God wants to give my pain a purpose.
I'm not saying that God wanted me in a depressed state...That wasn't His doing. That was all Satan. There were two voices I could have listened to during that time and instead of listening to His still small voice, I listened to the one that screamed at me endlessly. The one that told me I wasn't good enough, smart enough, the one that told me I was damaged and slow, the voice that told me I was alone and that nobody knew how I felt, that nobody had been where I was. It was that voice that made praying difficult...So difficult in fact that I stopped praying and started begging...For anything to prove him wrong. For anything to make everything okay again....And God showed up. Revealing Himself through Patrick Dempsey in a youtube video on a late September night in 2006....God showed up as I listened to Patrick Dempsey's story and heard my own. God showed up.
No, God did not want me in that depressed state, but He took my darkest moment and gave it purpose. He showed me that one person, one voice, one action, one story can make a difference. And after that night....I'm changed. I'm changed because I know God can use me. I can be that one person for someone else. My outlook is different, my purpose is different, my perspective is different.
I wake up every morning and before I even leave my bedroom, I look at myself in the mirror and say to myself. "You're forgiven." Forgiveness, like everything else doesn't happen overnight, it's a process, but for me, saying that is a start and a reminder to not let guilt that has already been taken care of by my Creator, hold me back from what God is doing and wants to do through me.
I'm working on saving up for a bracelet I want that I want to have inscribed with "The Dempsey Difference" so that I can have a constant reminder on my wrist at all times of that moment and what I've learned because of it.
I don't share this easily, and I can imagine many of you probably have a very different picture of me now and that's understandable. I write this though with one favor to ask:
If you're carrying guilt today...Let it go. God has something He wants to do through YOU and He can't use you to the fullest extent if you won't allow Him to. Let it go. You're forgiven.
"Would it set me free if I dared to let you see the truth behind the person that you imagine me to be." ~Casting Crowns~
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