Lord, May I Be Tenacious!

I'm learning what it means to pray tenaciously....I think that's what this whole journey of me wanting a dream to come true is teaching me...Among other things which I will share later.

A few months back I read something that has really changed the way I pray....

It revolved around the verse Matthew 7:7-8

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.’

And basically the lesson was to Ask and keep asking until we receive, seek and keep seeking until we find, knock and keep knocking until that door is opened. I wonder how many times I missed a blessing because I gave up praying simply because I didn't see anything happening so I assumed it must not be God's will. Many times I think God was trying to see just how badly I wanted something.

I was listening to one of Scott Crenshaw's podcasts recently on active waiting and he was telling the story in Luke chapter 11 starting in verse five and it tells of a man whose out of bread so he goes to his neighbors house to see if he can borrow some bread to feed his kids. It's late at night but the man goes over anyway and knocks on the door of his neighbor asking if he can borrow some bread...The guy basically tells him, it's late...No you can't borrow any bread. You'd think the man would turn and trudge back home hungry, but instead he is persistent and knocks on the door until the man gets up and gives him the bread just so he will stop bothering him.

THAT'S how I want to pray...to want/need something so badly that I ask and ask and ask until something happens!

Lord, may I know the dreams You put in my heart and may I be tenacious in asking for and claiming them! May I not give up when I do not see anything happening and instead keep praying and asking because I KNOW You ARE at work behind the scenes! May I be persistent, asking daily and may I WAIT WITH EXPECTATION! And Lord, when doubts creep into my thoughts and I doubt that You are working, may I instead say THANK YOU that You ARE and pray that much harder. Lord, may I stand on my faith, and not my feelings, Lord, may I stay persistent and may I pray and pray and pray, and until I see something happen because I know Lord, you are up to something, and I may just be one prayer away from it coming to pass. Thank you Father for the desires you have put in my heart, Thank You for what You have done, are doing, and will do! I ask all of this in Your Name, Amen

31 Days

Not that anyone but me really cares but in case you were wondering...Since today is the 25th of August, I can say....



Just thought I'd share that...Carry on with your day now and have a GREAT one!

A Brighter Blog!

I gave my blog a face lift today...I wanted something not quite so dark and a bit more cheery. I'm still messing around with the text colors a little and tweaking a few things so, if you have trouble reading it because of the colors I have chosen, let me know! I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think!

Birthday Weekend!

Friday was my 27th birthday. It was a great day that actually turned out to extend into the entire weekend...

Friday, my Mom, Kimberly and Lexi treated me to lunch. Afterward, my mom feed my Starbucks addiction and bought me a venti white chocolate mocha with extra whip (my favorite treat, but I only ever buy the grande so getting a venti was a REAL treat). Then she and Lexi came home and the two got to work on my birthday cake (strawberry cake...My mom makes the best!) Lexi LOVES helping my mom cook so she was beside herself. Add to that a very top secret present she and my mom were working on and that just fueled her excitement...I just adore how she and Austin remind me to be thrilled about the small things...They are champs at that!

My presents didn't come until later in the evening because Lexi had music camp all last week from 5:30-8:30 so once we started opening, it was craaaazy! Lexi helped me open while Austin ran around with some tissue paper like he had just won the lottery (again, it's the smallest things that bring them the biggest smiles...). I got an adorable "Aunt" precious moments from Alexis and Austin, the book "Still Growing" by Kirk Cameron from Kimberly and Justin. I'd been wanting it for awhile so I was thrilled! Kimberly also got me a daily calendar with sayings about sisters on each day...I love it! My parents got me Season 3 of LOST, and the book "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I started it on Saturday and I think I read it with a different perspective than I would have if I had read it when he was still here. It's a bit of a difficult read knowing that he's gone, and that it happened just a few weeks ago, but makes the lessons in it that much more meaningful, I think.

The gift I received that totally blew me away and had me holding back tears was one from my mom. It was an album she had made of my college years and Graduation. She LOVES to scrapbook so this album, I'm told, became her goal and she worked on it every chance she got. It truly is fantastic. It's got pictures of the graduation ceremony with captions of who's who and little snapshots of things that happened through those years. I can't adequately describe it in words, it's something that you really have to see to understand what it means but, it truly was a labor of love for my mom and I adore it! I find myself pulling it out every night to look at it again and every time see something else that I hadn't seen earlier. It's amazing and as I looked through it, I was once again able to see how God had worked in my life during that time and made me stronger in the end. That album will always be a reminder of what God, my family, and friends pulled me through. God bless my mom for the hours of work she put into it (that was the top secret gift I mentioned above...I was banned from our guest bedroom for three days while my mom put the final touches on the album). I ended my actual birthday with the thrill of watching Michael Phelps win another gold medal "by a fingernail!" What a way to finish my day!!

Saturday, my parents, Kimberly, Justin, Alexis, and Austin and I all traveled to the Woodlands for dinner at Olive Garden. Because of music camp, we weren't able to go Friday so we postponed it until Saturday. I was treated to more Starbucks on the way home and got home in time to see Michael Phelps make history!

And really, I get an extra birthday present tomorrow (Monday) because they are showing a re-run of Patrick Dempsey's appearance on Rachael Ray that I missed the first time around and was upset about..Happy belated birthday to me!!!

I had a fantastic birthday as you can tell...My family and friends made it so amazing and I'm so thankful for the e-mails, texts, and phone calls I got. God has done some really incredible things in my life this past year and I really believe that all of that is leading up to God doing something that is beyond what I can even imagine....I can't wait to see what God is up to because I know with what He's been showing me lately that it's something incredible....We'll all look back a year from now and say, "Wow! Look what God did!!" It's going to be awesome!!!

Thanks again for ALL of the love and support and especially prayers....The best is yet to come!!!! I love you guys!

A New Favorite

Any of you who have ever gotten those "getting to know you" surveys from me will know that my answer to the question "favorite sport to watch?" has always been gymnastics and is usually followed with a comment about my admiration for gymnast Shannon Miller.

Seeing Shannon perform and win in the 1996 games in Atlanta really got me into the games as I rooted for her and her team mates that year.

Since her "retirement", I have to say I haven't found another favorite to root for the way I did Shannon...Until the 2008 games....

can tell you now that my answer to the question, "favorite sport to watch?" will now include another sport and another favorite:

Michael Phelps and his quest to make Olympic history during these games have given me reason to be excited again. Not since Shannon Miller have I rooted for someone so much. What he does in the water at every competition has blown my mind and his humble attitude and the credit he gives to others has given me even more reason to like him. I have found that I look forward to the swimming competitions more than any other. It's been great to be excited about the games again and to have another favorite to root for! And I'm already excited about the 2012 Olympics in London to see how many more medals Michael Phelps will win there!

Congratulations Michael on making history and showing others what can happen when we DREAM BIG!

A Heart to Heart

Mom and I had lunch together today and all I can say is God totally showed up and moved during our lunch conversation

She was telling me how she had seen some friends of ours while she had been out running errands earlier and how they had asked her what I was up to and my mom told them I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. These friends then told my mom how great I would be at a particular job working at my church.

As we discussed it further, my mom told me she didn't want me to feel like she was pressuring me to get a job. That she knew that because of certain circumstances, I was in a position where I don't really NEED a job. What income I have takes care of my bills (cell phone, personal line in my room, Internet, etc) just fine. That my parents just thought a job would be a way for me to be able to be out of the house and see people but that it wasn't something I needed so my mom reiterated again that she wasn't trying to pressure me.

It was at that moment that a huge weight lifted from me and I felt as though I could open up a bit more about my feelings on the whole thing. I told her that I understood and that I thought a job would be great...That I'm not opposed to having a job at all...It's SETTLING for a job that I don't want to have to do.

I told her how people like "Z" and "L" made me feel and how I hated that situation. I explained that I tolerated "Z" during college and met his requirements during college because he basically paid for it and that now that college is over that I should be able to have the say but since he thinks I need his help to find a job, that he's just putting me in a job to prove that yet another disabled person can find a job, he doesn't really care if the job makes me happy or is something I enjoy doing. I get a call every three months from his office for an update on how the job search is going and it never fails to literally turn my stomach when I see his name on my caller id because I know a big lecture is about to come about what have I been doing to get a job and why haven't I looked here or there...He tunes out the part where I express to him that I haven't looked "here or there" because it's not the type of job I want. However, I'd always hesitated on REALLY expressing my feelings because I honestly felt that my parents wanted me to have a job no matter what it was and that telling Z I wanted to look freely would hurt those efforts.

However, after telling my mom all of this she told me she totally understood and that I was right, I shouldn't have to have a job that met "Z's" criteria or anyone else's but my own. That she had no doubt that there WAS a job out there for me and that I would find it eventually and that the bottom line was my happiness...Not in me finding a job to make others happy and that because of the fact that I don't NEED a job, that I really could take my time and find one that I enjoyed...IF I wanted to do so but that she nor my Dad were trying to pressure me to find one.

I was blown away by how God was just so present during that conversation and how He allowed my Mom to know the words I needed to hear. I had never expressed ANY of my frustrations or any of these feelings about my having or not having a job to my parents so for my Mom to come out and say all of this having no knowledge that it was exactly what has weighed so heavily on me for awhile now was a total God thing....

I've really been feeling as though I've been disappointing my family in a big way by not having a job. There are night's that I would go to bed begging for God to move, not because *I* was getting impatient, but because I felt like my family was. Today after I expressed to her how I always wonder what she and my Dad tell people when they ask what I'm up to now, my mom said that I stay quite busy and that I'm happy and whatever anyone else thinks shouldn't be my concern. I told my Mom I knew that God was at work in my life and that when that job came along that He would give me direction.

God showed up in a BIG today. Now that I really know where my mom stands on my whole job issue I feel as though the pressure is off and I really can relax and not having to worry about disappointing them. I know where they stand, and they know where I stand. I left the restaurant feeling SO much better about my job issues. I'm so thankful that in the way only He can, God opened up the doors for my mom and I to be able to discuss this. Opening up has never been easy for me but I'm working SO hard to get better at that. Today, God allowed it to happen in a way that was relaxed and comfortable. God's peace and presence were evident and He allowed me to really get rid of some chains that have really been weighing me down....God is SO good.

Thank you to those of you who encourage me and pray for me...Please continue...God is up to GREAT things!

A Work in Progress...

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~James 1:2-4~

I don't know a lot for certain these days, but here's what I DO know....God is up to something. God has a plan, and He is up to something.

I sit at home tonight frustrated. Frustrated, because I SEE the things God is doing in the lives of people around me. I SEE how He is moving and others SEE it as well.

I'm frustrated because I know God is doing things within my life, in my heart, getting me ready for the next step. And yet...I feel as though I have very little to SHOW others...I could tell you how God is using this time in my life to teach me what "Be still and know" really means, I can tell you that I now know what faith really is all about and that at some times faith can be really scary because I have to trust what I do not see...And I can tell you about how God has shown me a few more doors of which I have knocked on to possibly make one of the desires of my heart a reality.

I could tell you that God has now helped me to believe that it's not a matter of IF this dream comes true, but a matter of WHEN. And I could tell you that now instead of me praying for that dream to come to pass he is already putting the words on my heart to say WHEN it comes to pass. I could tell you how excited this makes me because I know God is at work...I KNOW it is His Hand.

The problem with "being still" for me is that so many others around me seem to perceive that as "being lazy." I've said this before but I really wish I could cut open my soul for you to see what God is up to. I was ready to give up on a dream...Went to bed that night and just said, "Lord, you've got to show me something....If this is something that is never going to happen, then please just tell me now so I can let it go and move on...I begged. One of those "please please please God, just show me something" prayers. The VERY next day, He presented a door to me which I knocked on and that day got a very promising answer....Which lead to what I pray is another door that will be opened. I don't feel comfortable sharing any more than that because at this moment, there's nothing more to share but when the time comes, and I can share more with you, I will. For now, I ask for you to pray with me that this leads to something greater than I could even ask or think.

My point in sharing that with you is to say...God is at work. He's got a plan and a purpose and I'm learning so much about myself and my Creator. I honestly feel as though I am exactly where God wants me right now. I'm in a position where I'm available to really use one of my spiritual gifts which is encouragement. And to be in a position where I can really pray for people while God works on me in the process. No, I'm not getting a paycheck for this, but money can't buy this kind of stuff.

I see people and always get asked the question, "So, what are you doing now?" and inwardly, I cringe because I can't say, "I work at _______ doing_______." I sometimes struggle for an answer while my family stands there probably thinking, "Yes, Natalie, how are you going to answer them this time...."

I don't want to have to settle for a job just to pacify others or to prove to others that a disabled person can get a job. I KNOW I can get a job. I'm a hard worker and when I get one, I will be great at what I do. I just feel that I am made for so much more than the box people are trying to put me in.

God is up to great things in my life. I have very little to physically show for it right now but WHEN God allows me to, I will be able to show you how He is working. Just please, hang in there with me. Believe with me that my breakthrough is coming, And pray for God's favor on the above situation I shared, that that dream may finally be realized and will lead to other doors being opened. Pray for me, Pray WITH me. Thanks!

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands. ~Psalm 138:8~

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 1:6~

Vacation Bible School 2008

Lexi Smiles for the camera at VBSAustin (on the right) reads about Jesus
Austin takes a break with a nursery worker

Lexi (the one with the white bow) and her group pray before music ends for the day

Last week was vacation bible school at our church. It was Alexis' and Austin's first year to attend. Lexi was in the pre-k class (which my Mom helped with) while Austin had fun in the nursery. I spent the week helping with registration and typing up the certificates that each child would receive at the end of the week. The week was based around Psalms 86:11: "Teach me your way O Lord that I might walk in your truth." And the slogan for the week was, "Know the truth, speak the truth, live the truth."

It was a blast watching Lexi learn about God and sing, and dance. She came home every afternoon still singing the songs! We are so blessed to have such a great church family that loves kids and desires for them to know the Lord. At the end of the week six decisions were made for Christ!!

God is good! And the best is yet to come!