Thirty Days of Prayer: Day Four

Yes, I know I didn't blog on day three yesterday...Still prayed though.

As day four is in full swing, I just finished siting at my computer praying in tears as I begged God to move...One of those "please please please God, just move. Show me SOMETHING!" Yes, I know, faith is all about seeing and it's a bit pathetic when it's only day four and I'm already begging for movement.

It would be different, I suppose if I knew WHY this was such a desire. I know I'm not the only person that would like to meet Patrick...And of course, I know he saved my life and all of that. It's just so heavy on my heart that I NEED to say thank you and share my story with him in person. I've really evaluated my reasoning...It's not because he's McDreamy (I didn't even know who Patrick was really before all this happened), it's not so I can say I met someone famous (yes, that WOULD be cool...but my story is personal and I have a feeling he wouldn't be the only person I'd have to share it with in order to say thanks). I've said before, I DON'T KNOW why this trumps everything else I could be spending thirty days praying over, I just know I want it so badly. And the only way I can really make sense of it all is the fact that there seems to be a part of me that isn't healed and perhaps WON'T be until I can be face to face with him and say, "this is what you did for me...." It's such a deep strong desire that the ONLY explanation for why is because God put it there.

The Heavens seem so silent. As I cred out to God (literally) just a few minutes ago, I even began to wonder if I was praying right. Was there something I needed to say, some magic word I needed to utter in order to get God to hear me? Deep down I thought, "How ridiculous! Satan is LOVING getting me to doubt whether or not I'm praying correctly!" Yet, I did. I even asked God if He would perhaps reveal something on "Grey's Anatomy" tonight. I'm just desperate to hear from Him.

Dear Father,

Why is it suddenly so hard to hear from You? Are you talking and I'm not listening? Am I doing this all wrong? Lord, I don't need to know why this is such a desire...You do and that's enough. Father, make my ears sensitive to Your Voice as I continue this thirty days of prayer. I KNOW You are working and I pray that I become more confident in that fact, even when I don't SEE anything happening. May I know that YOU put this dream in my heart and that You do not mess with the emotions of Your kids by making them desire something so badly and not giving it to them eventually.

Father, I lift up this dream to you once more and ask that you make a way. Lord, take care of all of the details. May you cause me to be remembered by the people I've contacted to help this dream come to pass. May you continue to put the right people in my path. May you make me keenly aware of doors to knock on and opportunities that will help. Lord, I'm doing everything I know of and I pray and know that You will do what I cannot.

I lift Patrick up to you again Father. Thank You for him, for his story, and for what you continue to teach me because of him. Bless him wherever he is today Lord, may he stay safe and have a productive and great day. Bless his family and thank you that You are doing great things in his life.

Father, thank you for this time and thank You that I'm one day closer to my dream becoming a real reality. Thank You dear Lord, that it's just a matter of time....

I love You,

Amen