Doubt, Fear, Faith

Here's what I'm learning....

I know faith is all about trusting what you do not see. I know it's all about believing and trusting God and all that. I have no problem with trusting God. It's MYSELF that I don't trust.

I know God is revealing Himself to me all the time and giving me direction, I just don't trust that I hear Him correctly or do things the way He intends. I've got this fear in the back of my mind that when I get to Heaven, God will tell me that I did everything all wrong or He'll show me all the times He opened a door and I totally missed it. A fear that He'll show me that I was a breath away from my dream coming to be but missed a chance or took a wrong turn and that in turn, ended the dream.

I don't doubt that God can make a way. I don't doubt that He can do anything. I'm just fully aware that I have to do my part and I'm always afraid I'm going to miss something that I should have done. So many times I wonder "Am I waiting on God or is He waiting on ME??" It's a thought that scares me...Am I in His way? Am I preventing Him from moving in the way He needs or wants to move. I'm trying my best and I pray He knows that I'm doing everything I know to do to seek Him and hear Him clearly.

So, it's not God I'm doubting and questioning...It's ME. And oddly enough, it seems the bottom line in all of this is once again what it always has been....Faith.

Faith that God knows I'm doing my best to seek Him and follow His direction, faith that God knows me well enough to know that many times He has to give me VERY clear signs that I'm going in the right direction, faith that He can still make a way even when I mess up. Faith...In HIM.

Seems it's time once again to simply breathe and believe.