Another Harsh Reminder...

You may remember me posting THIS a week or so ago.

Upon returning to my computer after my shower a few minutes ago, THIS STORY glared at me from the MSN homepage. And the tears flowed as the reality of this slapped me in the face once more.

Pray for this family. And pray that God makes a way for me to do what desperately tugs at my heart.

Patience Pays Off

Last year on the fourth of July my parents and I were on the way out to watch fireworks when a song came on the radio that I'd never heard of but instantly loved. I was able to remember just a few of the lyrics and googled them as soon as we got home but came up empty every time. I e-mailed the radio station but they didn't know either so I e-mailed OTHER radio stations hoping they would be able to pick up on the lyrics I had. They didn't know either. I thought maybe I'd misheard the lyrics or that the song was something obvious and I'd just heard it wrong or something. Since then I have kept an ear out for the song every time I hear a song that sounds like the one I heard but have never heard it again.

Today I was sitting in the Hastings parking lot waiting for my mom who was getting a couple of books. I was enjoying a mocha (surprise, surprise) and flipping through the radio when something caught my ear....The EXACT lyrics I'd heard and remembered almost a year ago! And thankfully, the title of it was scrolling across the screen of the radio as it was playing!

Needless to say, I downloaded it as soon as I got home and have had it on replay ever since! Patience does indeed pay off!

Here's the video with lyrics. Stop my other music at the bottom of the page to listen. Enjoy!

For the Love of Procrastination....

1. What are your initials? NNP

2. What is your favorite thing to wear? Jeans and a sweatshirt

3. Last thing you ate? Cheese toast

4. One place you will NEVER eat at? I've learned never to say never about anything. Although, I'm not fond of chinese food at all so take that as you will

5. I say Shotgun, you say: duck and cover? LOL!

6. Last person you hugged? My dad

7. When is your birthday? August 15th

8. One talent you wish you were born with? I wish I could play the piano.

9. Name something you like physically about yourself: My eyes

10. The last place you went out to dinner to? IHOP.

11. Favorite movie quote? "You don't love me. You love the IDEA of me." ~Freedom Writers~

12. Favorite t.v. quote? Oh my gosh, do you know how DANGEROUS this question is...I love quotes anyway, couple that with another thing I love and ask me a question about BOTH...Dangerous, I say! Just plain dangerous! I'll try and be as selective as possible though.... Ummm... "I'm not gonna get down on one knee, I'm not gonna ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey. And I want to spend the rest of my life....with you." Derek, Grey's Anatomy (the proposal). "You HAVE to change her story..." Meredith, Grey's Anatomy. "You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day until it's happening" Izzie (I know, I'm shocked too) Grey's Anatomy "I believe we can be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart." Meredith, Grey's Anatomy...I TOLD you...Dangerous question!!!

13. Who/What made you angry today? Nothing. Been a great day so far!

14. Baseball or Football? How 'bout softball? Since Lexi has started playing we're all about that! All Stars next weekend!!! Yay!

15. Ever gone skinny dipping? No way!

16. Favorite type of Food? Italian

17. Favorite holiday: Thanksgiving and Christmas. It seems to be the two holidays where our entire family is together and I LOVE that! And I'm probably also insane for loving the shopping we do the day after Thanksgiving, but I do. After last year, I will never be able to hear "The Twelve Days of Christmas" without totally cracking up! :D

18. Do you download music? All the time, but only from itunes.

19. What is your dream? For my story to get to Patrick Dempsey and be able to thank him in person.

20. Biggest compliment you've ever been given? Someone told me they were going to name their daughter (when they had children, if they had a girl) after me.

21. Six people who have inspired you: Besides family? Patrick Dempsey, Michael W. Smith, Steve Lang, Julie Posey-Johnson, Liz Jordan, Keith Caldwell

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Yes, but I was the only one in the room so I don't think he had much of a choice. LOL! By the way Chris, I'm still holding you to that song you owe me!

23. Do you love anyone? I do. Several people.

24. Song that makes you cry every time you hear it? "A World to Believe in" by Celine Dion

25. What would you do if your dream were to come true? I'd pray that I'd be calm enough to soak every moment in and not be so in shock that I wouldn't remember anything after it was all over. I'd pray that God would give me the words to say and that it would be a time of healing and a sense of closure for me. Overall, I'd just want God to bless the entire time and do things I could never ask or expect. I constantly pray that if the day ever comes that I won't be too emotional, but I don't think I'm going to be able to help it. When you want something as badly as I want this, for it to finally happen...I can I NOT get emotional? I just want to remember every moment of it, if it does happen.

26. The time you have felt the worst about life? College.

27. The time you have felt the best about life? October of '03 when Alexis was born and November of '06 when Austin was born.

28. How many pets do you have? An ADORABLE Yorkie, Tazzie...The BEST!

29. How do you relieve stress? I blog.

30. Where does most of your money go to these days? Bills and The Dempsey Challenge.

31. What are you listening to right now? "More Love, More Power" by Jeff Deyo. Probably my favorite album of all time. It's one of the few that I can listen to in its entirety and love every song. AMAZING worship!

32. What is your current favorite song? Oh wow, that's hard...It seems to change so often lately. Ummm...Maybe "The Face" by RyanDan. I seem to be listening to that one a lot lately.

33. What was the last movie you watched? "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" just saw it last night actually. Had some cute moments, but not MM's best, in my opinion.

34. Do you wear contacts? I do.

35. Song that describes your life right now? Definitely "The Waiting Room" by Jonny Diaz. Without question, that is my song right now.

36. What are you afraid of? Something happening to Alexis or Austin.

37. How many piercings have you had? each ear is pierced once

38. What piercings do you want? I'm happy with what I have, thanks.

39. What's one thing you've learned this year? that perhaps there is no such thing as dreams coming true, but that in reality, most of those "dreams" are just fantasy's that we are talked into believing can come true just so we'll have something to keep striving for even if it has no chance of ever happening. I really hate that I'm becoming a person that doesn't believe dreams can come true. :(

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks? A grande white chocolate mocha. And yes, it can be 90 plus degrees outside and this is what I'll order. Love that stuff.

41. What Magazines are you reading? People, T.V. Guide, and Entertainment Weekly

42. Random Quote?
"God does not stand afar off as I struggle to speak. He cares enough to listen with more than casual attention. He translates my scrubby words and hears what is truly inside. He hears my sighs and uncertain gropings as fine prose." --Timothy Jones

43. Are you missing someone? Always.

44. Favorite TV show? Okay, if you don't know this one, then we REALLY need to get reacquainted.

45. Do you have an obsession with WoW? Not especially. Looks cool in sign language though with your mouth being the o.

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? Not that I recall.

47. What celeb do you look like? I have no idea.

48. Who would you like to see right now? Seeing PD would make my year. Then again, we've already established that.

49. Favorite movie of all time? "Charlotte's Web" and "The Sound of Music"

50. Do you find yourself loved? I do.

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to? Haven't we all?

52. Favorite smell? Honestly? baby powder

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? Buttered.

54. What is the first thing you want to hear God say when you get to Heaven? "Welcome Home, my love. Arise and WALK!"

55. Do you believe in Heaven and Hell? Yes, both of them. Absolutely.

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? Thankfully, no.

57. Our Lady Peace or Nickelback? Okay, to be fair, I've never heard Our Lady Peace but I do know I LOVE Nickelback so...There ya go.

58. What's something that really bugs you? Oh, SO many things, but do you really care to read that right now? Yeah, didn't think so.

59. The next concert you go to will probably be? Hopefully Michael W. Smith

60. Taco Bell or Burger King? Funny you should ask because I've been craving Taco Bell for the past two weeks.

61. What's your favorite perfume? Shi (Pronounced "She")

62. Favorite baseball team? Again, I'm going softball and saying "Lumberjacks" (and that's NOT a nod to SFA...Even if I would have preferred to go there instead of SHSU. Yep. I know, they're rivals). until I know the name of Alexis' All Star team.

63. What book are you reading right now? "The Shack" by William P. Young

64. Do you believe one person can truly change things? There are few things I believe in as strongly as I believe that...I'm alive today BECAUSE one person made a difference.

65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? three days.

66. Last time you went bowling? Kimberly's birthday last year. I didn't bowl though.

67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? ummm.....At my desk in my dorm a day or two after TASP was over. I was exhausted and still had finals to get through....Like I said, hated college.

68. Describe yourself in three words: Passionate, devoted, loved.

69. Your dream last night? Odd. It had Trevor St. John in it (and he sang. Had no idea he could sing???!!) and Celine Dion. Odd choices, who knows?

70. Do you think anyone has actually read this far in this survey? LOL! I doubt it. Can't say I blame them, I'm not THAT interesting, and really, was there anything you read you didn't already know?

Papers from the Past

My Mom was going through some old papers this morning looking for something she has lost. She hasn't yet found what she was looking for but she DID find my certificate of baptism that the church gave me when I was baptized. With the date (April 18, 1993) and it was signed by our pastor at the time. Along with that was a church program of that morning's worship service and a copy of a letter I wrote (actually, I hadn't yet discovered how special handwritten letters are and I typed it) to my pastor thanking him, a copy of a letter my Mom wrote to my pastor thanking him, and a letter from my pastor telling me how proud and happy he was about my decision to ask Christ into my life.

It's a bit of an odd feeling to look at those things and remember that day that took place when I was only eleven years old. To look back and see just how much Christ has grown me and pulled me even closer to Him (and yes, sometimes I pushed Him far away) over the years. To see what He has taught me about Himself, myself and others.

I started this incredible journey with Him over sixteen years ago...What a ride it has been so far! And what a blessing it is to have those papers we found to remember it all!

Mini Rant

I get on Facebook last night and everybody is complaining about being spoiled as to who won American Idol because people were commenting about it in their status and such.I don't watch so I could care less but why are people getting mad at others for that? If you don't want to be spoiled about what happens on a show DON'T GET ON SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES UNTIL YOU'VE WATCHED! Simple as that. Don't get mad at other people or ask them not to talk about it. Just STAY OFF THE INTERNET until you've seen how it turned out. In my opinion, it's not THEIR problem that you haven't watched, and if you get online, especially at a social networking site like Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, etc then it's fair game and really, you're just asking to be spoiled.

But this getting angry because you found out before you wanted to know really grates on my nerves. Stay away from the computer or just EXPECT to be spoiled.

Just my two cents....And now I feel better.

Enough Already!

"Did you say it? 'I love you.' 'I don't ever want to live without you.' 'You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it. But every now and then look around, drink it in. Cause, this is it. It might all gone tomorrow."

Any guesses as to WHAT this brought to my mind. WHY dear Lord can't I just forget about this and move on? It's not for lack of trying. And I sit here frustrated tonight because once again I am reminded of what I have not been able to do!

I've always had this sense of urgency to get my thanks to Patrick Dempsey. Always. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because his passion is racing and I have a fear that he'll get injured or something during a race and my hope of him ever knowing how he changed my life would be gone. Or that something would happen to me before he ever got to know. And yes, I know how morbid all of this sounds but like I said, there has always been a sense of me thinking, "I've got to do everything I can possibly do to try and make sure he knows what he did for me."

Have I said it? Yes. To everybody I can think of...HOPING against hope that one of the people I've told will tell him. I'd given up. Not wanting to but having to accept the reality that it just wasn't going to happen. And then...THIS voice over tonight. And I swear, it was like throwing it back in my face. Reminding me again. It hurt to let go of this, but I was getting there. I was starting to accept it and move on and then this. WHAT MORE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?? Who else is there to tell? Nobody has taken me seriously. So, why throw it back in my face? The urgency has never gone away....Just because you ignore something doesn't make it go away. Everything is still there. I just have no idea what to do with it so I ignore it. I've stopped asking for it, stopped e-mailing people about it, stopped talking about it, just thinking that eventually...It will fade.

Did I said it? Yes. Has he heard me? Who knows. And that is perhaps, the most frustrating thing of all...Not knowing one way or the other.

And yes, I know this wasn't the Grey's Anatomy finale wrap up that you were expecting....That's coming tomorrow night sometime. I'm off to bed now....Work awaits tomorrow. (Make that today...In just a few hours). Thanks for letting me vent.

Mother's Day

There are two holiday's that I never expect anything....Valentine's Day, because, well, I'm single and have never had a valentine, hence, the reason I never expect anything. And Mother's Day because, I'm not a Mom. So you can probably imagine how touched I was when for the last two years I've gotten a Mother's Day card from Alexis and Austin. And every year, I tear up at that simple gesture and the incredible love and adoration I have for those two incredible kids. I'm so honored that God chose ME to be THEIR Aunt!

Kimberly, thank you for the things you do to make the day special for me as well as everyone else.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's and future Mom's out there!