Believing HE is enough

I'd like to think I'm a patient person. I'd also like to think I've really grown in my relationship with God over the years. When people ask me how I've grown, I'd like to think that I've matured in many areas but often times I'm not the best judge because I'm too close to the situation. I'm also known to be my own worst critic so I'd probably point you in the direction of my former youth minister (I had several throughout my time as a youth, but honestly only keep up with one regularly and so therefore, he'd probably be able to give you an honest answer...He's definitely not one to sugarcoat anything for me, but he tells the truth in love and he's definitely one of the "call at three in the morning" people. He'd be down here if I needed him, and I know that because HE knows I'd NEVER ask unless it was a dire situation.

I say all of that to admit to you here that there have been many times recently I have needed that mirror...that assessment because of one thing or another. I've often felt as though instead of me being the mature Christian, I've often regressed back to baby Christian. God will reveal something to me and it's like, "it's the simplest thing in the world...Basic stuff." I make it tougher than it should be. God's telling me to "Chill" and I'm still trying to figure out HOW in the world all of this is gonna fit together. It's then that the words of my friend Scott Crenshaw come to mind.... "God didn't ask you to understand, He asked you to stand."

I find myself seeing the parallels of this situation to one I found myself in while I was in college. I had just gotten done with this huge math test. It was a big deal because this was my last chance to pass it before I would be unable to register for anymore college courses UNTIL I passed...I studied harder for that test than I think I've ever studied for anything else in my life! My tutor saw me more than my own family and and my social life become non existent for three months.

I was really confident that I had passed when I finished the test but as we ("we" being mainly my tutor and myself) waited the four weeks for my test results to come in, my confidence slowly started to fade. Each day that passed, I deflated a bit more second guessing my work, trying to mentally remember the problems and wracking my brain to figure out if I had carried the one or turned the negative to a positive...I only voiced my concerns once to my tutor as he tried his best to reassure me that I had done fine. I just turned to him one day holding back tears and said, "what if I didn't do enough....." It was out of thin air and we had been talking about something totally different...Thankfully, my tutor had become VERY good at reading between the lines and he knew what was going through my head...He sat down, looked at me for a very long time and said, "You did."

I've found myself asking God that same question now as I wait on Him. And I'm learning that it may not be about us doingEVERYTHING on our own but it's about us doing our best to meet God halfway BELIEVING what we DID do was enough and that God will do what we can't. I find myself wondering, "Did I do enough?" "Did I do too much?" "Did I miss a chance?" "Should I be doing something while I wait" And God is sitting down, looking at us and going, "Stop! I'll reveal it to you if you need to do something else....Be still and KNOW."

I've often wondered HOW and within the last few days the phrase "in vino veritas" has been going through my head at the oddest of times...I'd heard it but had no idea what it meant so after it happened again today I googled it to try and find out what it meant....It's a Latin phrase meaning, "there is truth in wine" I sat there confused trying to figure out WHY that of all things had been floating through my brain so often. Then, the story of Jesus turning water into wine came to my head...And (although I could be way off but this is my best guess) I think that perhaps Jesus was using that phrase as a reminder to me that if He can turn water into wine, He can handle the requests I give Him. HOW can He make my dreams come true?? The same way He turned water into wine.

It's not how much have I done, it's how much do I BELIEVE that God is big enough to handle things and do what I can't and that HE is enough. My job right now: Breathe and Believe.

Oh, and I DID pass that math test!